


Bridgerton's Adrift

by avisioninorange



Series: Adrift Verse [2]
Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: Bridgerton, F/M, Multi, Other, Polin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-02
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:09:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 21
Words: 34,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28494396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avisioninorange/pseuds/avisioninorange
Summary: Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels.  This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show.  It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes".
Relationships: Colin Bridgerton/Penelope Featherington
Series: Adrift Verse [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2124891
Comments: 609
Kudos: 822





	1. News From Abroad

**Author's Note:**

> Apologies in advance for crushing your souls. I promise that the payoff will be worth it in the end though if you're willing to stick with me. I have so much muse for this and trust, I wouldn't actually kill off Colin. I just love torturing everyone a little bit.

The weather was abysmal. It hadn’t stopped raining in days and if Penelope Featherington were perfectly honestly, it mimicked how she had felt. 

While the clothing certainly didn’t fit any better, she was at least appreciative of the fact the ghastly shades of orange and yellow had been replaced with black. Black was the only appropriate shade for mourning. 

Society believed she was in mourning of her father. A part of her had been a little sad over his death but it was nothing she felt to comparison to her mourning for Colin Bridgerton who was probably half way to Greece by now.

No one could know how she felt though.

Penelope was so tired of keeping secrets, especially keeping them from her dearest friends. It was much easier to let Eloise continue to believe that her mood was because of father instead of Colin. She’d have sooner told her that she’d been Miss Whistledown all along and that definitely wasn’t about to happen.

Her home was much quieter these days. Her mother was distracted with figuring out who was going to inherit them and trying to assure that Prudence, Phillipa and even Felicity would be okay regardless of how things panned out. She wasn’t a concern. Her mother had all but accepted the fact she’d never be marriage material.

She had been distracting herself with a book, seated in a window bay. Watching the coming and goings from the Bridgerton home was just as much a past time though. Most of the time, she could distinguish the people who came and went but there were times when she couldn’t.

A carriage that she didn’t recognize certainly peaked her attention.

“Mother?” she said with a start. She didn’t often bother her with such inquiries but if there was anyone who would know what was happening it would be Portia Featherington. 

The older red head paused in fretting over her other two girls long enough to give Penelope the time of day.

“What now?” she asked, sounding a bit like might be put out by having to even acknowledge Penelope’s existence.

“I was just wondering if you knew who was visiting the Bridgerton’s. I’ve never seen this carriage before.”

In an instant, Portia was practically pushing her out of the way, moving the window tapestries to get a better look. Clearly she didn’t know of anyone that was expected but the face twisted with what could only be described as morbid curiosity told her that whatever was happening was somehow out of the norm.

Penelope watched as several men approached the door before being allowed in by the staff. She had seen them somewhere but she couldn’t quite place it. 

“That uniform is naval but the men with them are Bow Street Runners,” she explained to the girl. “Someone must be in trouble.”

Penelope knew enough to know that if the Bow Street Runners were involved it likely wasn’t good for the Bridgerton’s at all. She knew that Anthony and Benedict had been known to have their fun but she couldn’t see them being in significant trouble.

The naval aspect had her jump up from her perch in an instant though.

She came very close to uttering the one name that she could scarcely bring herself to say for weeks without breaking into tears.

 _Colin_. This was about Colin and she just knew it.

“I just remembered that I promised Eloise that I would help her with a difficult stitch,” she murmured knowing it was a terrible excuse to leave. She didn’t wait around to fight her mother over it either though. In fact, she didn’t even stick around to hear the protests.

\--

When she arrived across the way, she was told that it wasn’t a good time. There was absolutely no chance that she wasn’t going to be there. There was zero chance of her not finding out what was happening right now.

Despite the protests, she pushed her way inviting herself into the music room where she knew everyone would be. She was clearly a woman on a mission, her red curls looking like little flames against the dark black of her dress. 

She stopped dead in her tracks at the scene before her though. The men that she’d seen here standing by awkwardly and Anthony had his arms wrapped around his mother who was inconsolable. She’d always known Violet Bridgerton, as someone who had it together. 

Whatever strength she’d been holding on to seemed to disappear, her legs practically turned to jelly in the doorway. She felt like she might faint and she very well might have had it not been for a silent and somber Benedict who silently moved toward her, took her arm and guided her to where Eloise was sitting, looking like a ghost.

So many of the children were not there but every Bridgerton who was looked so unlike themselves. She felt like she was trespassing on a very private family moment and yet, she couldn’t bring herself to walk away. Instead she reached for her best friend’s hand and squeezed it just as Eloise had been her rock time and time again. She could not fall to pieces without information.

“There was an accident,” Eloise finally explained in a hushed tone. 

Penelope felt that if it were possible her flesh would have turned green to reflect the absolute nausea that filled her. She was going to ill.

She didn’t even have to be told because she knew and whatever thoughts she had in her head about a lonely spinster life seemed cemented in that instant. Even when she told herself Colin would never love her, she’d still held on to childish gleam of hope.

She couldn’t bring herself to ask if he was alive.

If he had been, Violet Bridgerton would have already been half way to wherever her child was though and she knew that.

“I’m so … sorry,” she told ineloquently, knowing that her place here was to comfort the people who Colin had loved, who shared his blood. Even as she was utterly destroyed, this couldn’t be about her. Her corset suddenly felt like it was suffocating her. She couldn’t breathe much less be useful.

Clearly her struggle was clear because her fiercely strong friend who rarely cried seemed to dissolve into a puddle of ears on her shoulder and it was all she could do to hold her and let go herself.

\--

At some point between putting Colin’s letter in his pocket, Anthony had forgotten about it. He hadn’t put much thought into it. As soon as he’d managed to calm his mother and sisters enough to that they could sleep it flooded back to his mind and he found himself, his coats until he found it.

He had been meant to give this to Eloise to deliver to Penelope Featherington weeks ago and he’d completely failed at that. Now they were some of the last words his brother ever wrote before leaving them. 

While they could not report having found his body, they’d all but made it clear that Colin would never return to them. Anthony had been forced to keep a stiff chin, to keep the household together but blamed himself for this.

He’d been so difficult on his younger brother about Marina Thompson. If he’d just let Colin do what he felt was honorable and right, he would be off enjoying life as a newlywed instead of at the bottom of the sea. He blamed himself for this. 

A stiff drink would hardly sate the guilt. 

He stared at the familiar cursive of his brother’s handwriting and the unbroken seal as he drank. Drinking himself into oblivion had never felt like a better option. He should have never been left to lead this family. They’d all have been better off if their father hadn’t died.

“Can’t sleep?” he heard Benedict ask as he joined him, pouring another glass. Apparently there were two Bridgerton men who fully intended to drink away their grief.

“How can I? - This will _kill_ Daphne. You saw how horrid mother took the news. Daphne will murder us if we don’t inform her but Simon might murder us if we do in her condition. – And when I think about how unfair this is. Colin was the _best_ of all of us.”

It was true. Colin had seemed to have inherited so many of the best traits that their family had to often. He had been young, passionate and if he’d been the eldest he wouldn’t have shrugged off his responsibility to the family. As much as their mother protested and claimed he’d be the death of her, Anthony often was pretty sure that Colin was actually the favorite.

Benedict raised his glass to that.

“We will survive this,” Benedict added. “We’ve survived loss before.”

Anthony wasn’t so sure though and he was increasingly sure that he ought to chuck this letter into the fire. It being read wouldn’t do anyone any good. Not Eloise. Certainly not Penelope Featherington.

Benedict seemed to have taken notice of the letter then.

“What’s that?” he asked.

“The reason Colin will haunt me for the rest of my days,” he said with a sigh, hand moving to rub at his temples. He hadn’t drank enough to bring on a headache in the morning but he already sensed it coming on.

Benedict didn’t ask for permission to take it but he did pick it up, looking it over with curiosity.

“ _Penelope?!”_ he found himself asking, a bit of astonishment in his voice as he broke the seal, dark eyes moving over the writing, figuring if Colin really was gone, he wouldn’t mind the invasion of privacy.

Anthony couldn’t move quick enough to stop him and despite himself, he found himself standing, gazing over his brother’s shoulder to read the words that were written on the page.

“ _Bloody Hell_ ,” escaped his mouth.

Clearly Benedict didn’t disagree with the sentiment.


	2. The Death of Colin Bridgerton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Chapter 2 gives insight to the "death" of Colin Bridgerton.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a little shorter but there is far, far more to come. Enjoy a little more torment!

The trip to the port hadn’t been a difficult ride but by the time he arrived, made his way onto the vessel destined to carry him to Greece he was exhausted. It wasn’t physical exhaustion that weighed on him but rather the emotional variety. 

He’d never quite felt this sort of sadness leaving London before but it consumed him to the point that he very strongly reconsidered leaving at all. Returning home did not mean that his circumstances would be fixed though and he did want to travel. He just didn’t want to feel so alone.

He lingered on the deck, near the bow as the ship left the land and began to depart to sea watching as the world he knew faded into the horizon. It was only when he could not see it anymore that he slipped away to his accommodations.

He was offered some food but he lacked an appetite. He opted instead to request privacy. He had every intention of putting on his nightclothes but upon lying on his bed even momentarily sleep took him.

\--

The ship maneuvered through several ports, picking up new passengers at every one. It would not be long until the long trek to the final destination would begin. 

Colin spent his days feigning his familiar smile, eating whatever was offered to him and then hiding when he could. He could almost hear his brother’s teasing him about what a waste he had become.

There were plenty of loose women on board to provide whatever service a young male traveler might desire but he had no interest in sowing his wild oats. His mood was remarkably morose and only became increasingly more difficult to hide by the day.

It was getting increasingly difficult to ignore the voice in his head that kept suggesting maybe he should return home. He could see the world some other time.

\--

They had completed the last port. There was no turning back. As he watched land once again disappear, he knew that his decision was final. His mood felt just as permanent. He did not hesitate to close himself off in his room where he could sleep and feel the slightest hint of happiness in his dreams of the cooking at home, the laughter of his siblings and Penelope Featherington’s sweet, shy smile.

He was far away from this place, from this trip wrapped completely in warm, inviting arms when suddenly he felt her jerked away by some faceless villain.

He awoke with jerk, fully prepared to fight. It took him a moment to recall where he actually was, to find his footing. He was upright in a second, startled by the unsteadiness of it all. The smell of fire entered his lungs and his eyes widened. Something was _wrong_.

He spent no time fussing over retrieving belongings. He didn’t even care to try and find his clothing. He blasted out of the cabin into the chaos, fighting past people who were trying to make their way to safety. His own life was in the balance but all he could think about was his mother, his siblings and Penelope. He refused to inflict further trauma upon them.

He tried to recall where the life rafts were, knowing that time was of the essence. A quick glance at the increasing crowds and the increasing flames told him that they would be lucky if any boats ever actually touched the water. Women and children clearly would be saved first.

A curse escaped his lips as he gazed at the black depths of the sea. 

His options were swim, drown or burn. 

He said a silent prayer before crawling over the railing and jumping. If he could get far enough away before the boat was inevitably sucked down, he would have a fighting chance. 

The water was so cold that his lungs ached, his body propelled into motion determined to get away and he would swim until he could swim no more. 

\--

_It pains This Author to report grave news. As we previously reported, the Featheringtons have given us a break from the ghastly coloring choices of their wardrobe as they mourn the Late Lord Featherington. It appears the Bridgertons will be joining them in wearing black._

_To the dismay of many eligible women in the Ton, the third eldest Bridgerton has reportedly perished at sea. He had left London following the end of a particularly eventful social season for Greece. It is reported that a fire started in the kitchens of the ships and quickly nothing but ash in its wake._

_The destruction left by this event has been felt by all. Many in the Ton are expressing their disillusion that a charming, intelligent catch such as Young Lord Bridgerton should perish in such a manner. If there is no hope of happiness for a family as charmed as theirs, is there hope for the rest of us?_

_Ah, Gentle Reader, your devoted Author thinks not._

**LADY WHISTLEDOWN'S SOCIETY PAPERS, 15 SEPTEMBER 1813**


	3. The Unraveling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Pt. 3 has a hint of Penelope with her family after the news and more of the unfolding when will she ever get the letter saga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for continuing to read. I'm honestly overwhelmed by how kind and supportive everyone has been. I promise that you will eventually get to read this letter.

While Anthony was absorbed in ensuring the women in their family were saw after, he’d asked Benedict to see to it that Penelope Featherington was returned safely home.

Penelope could scarcely speak much less utter how absolutely wrecked she was about the loss of their brother when she was left at her door step. If they had allowed her, she probably wouldn’t have left. She was far better off useless there than alone with her own thoughts.

Her mother was waiting like the viper she was. Penelope wasn’t certain she had the strength to fight her off either.

“Since when do _you_ get escorted home by Bridgertons?” her mother asked. There was something implied there like it would have been perfectly acceptable had it been one of her sisters. “You could at least attempt to look happy about it.”

“Their _brother_ just died,” Penelope found herself snapping.

“Not Anthony! He would have been perfect for your sister,” Portia dared to say, which only served to magnify the hurt and anger building up in Penelope. Penelope was used to bottling things up, taking everything on the chin but tonight wasn’t the night. 

“No,” she argued, biting her lip enough to where it was close to drawing blood. She didn’t want to be insolent but this was hardly a time to care about the next social season or making matches in the time between.

“Oh thank Heavens,” Portia said clearly not picking up on the fact that Penelope was actually quite distressed.

“It was Colin,” she said, voice shaking with force at the words. She was one mere second from collapsing in on herself. 

“Oh the one you have that silly little crush on. The fool who almost married Miss Thompson,” Portia said as if the first part was public information. Penelope was in such shock that her mother had even noticed such a thing that her mouth hung open slightly. She wasn’t prepared for the hurtful words that would come next. “You need not worry, Penelope _darling_. He would have never married you anyways. Those books really have rotted your mind.”

It was an absolute slap in the face. Her veins filled with ice and the slight from her own family. She was painfully aware that she wasn’t as pretty as the other eligible women of the Ton. It was one thing to know and another to have it spelled out in front of her quite so ineloquently. The fact that her mother could see her heart breaking and not even try to offer some sympathy was unacceptable. She was almost grateful for the fact she’d never marry or have children, just so she didn’t have to worry about being as unfeeling as her own mother.

“You need not worry,” she uttered, storming away.

\--

There was one thing that Benedict and Anthony agreed upon: the letter could never see the light of day. They couldn’t bring themselves to destroy it though so it was hide it away in a desk with other important paperwork.

The only real question that kept them up in the night was what they were to do about the problem reading it presented. 

Colin was young and perhaps not as direct with his wishes as he might have been had he been a few years older but they could read between the lines. The very wishes Colin expressed toward Penelope would never come to pass unless they saw it fit to carry them out.

They could not agree upon who would be the one to take it upon themselves to ensure she was protected, loved. Neither fully desired to marry and certainly not a Featherington. Neither particularly saw the things that their brother did in the girl but there was no denying she had a good heart. As often as she had been at their home through the years, she might as well have been their sister.

When Daphne and Simon forced their way into the drawing room, the brothers were still arguing amongst themselves over who must do it when the proper mourning period was over.

“What exactly are you _not_ going to allow him to do?” she couldn’t help but ask as she approached, her pregnant belly scarcely hidden by her dress. She looked well even if it was clear that she hadn’t slept in order to hasten the journey home. From the look on the Duke’s face, he hadn’t been on board but had been forced.

“ _Nothing_ ,” the two brothers said almost in unison, greeting their sister with hugs. 

“I don’t buy that.”

“You shouldn’t be out of bed,” Anthony said, protective act in full force as he gazed over her before looking at the Duke as if to accuse him of not having a better grip on his own wife.

“Don’t look at me. You know Daphne is of her own mind,” he said with a shrug.

“I only obey when the order makes sense and I’m pregnant not an invalid. I insisted we come as soon as we received word.”

She seemed to have it together far better than anyone else in the family which was almost remarkable, considering she and Colin were close in age and had always been the best of friends. 

Perhaps it was all an act though because the Duke had threatened to lock her up should even the slightest hint of distress appear after a lengthy meltdown demanding he order up the carriages ended in his compliance.

“We’re grateful to have you closer to home,” Anthony finally said. “I’m not sure that mother will be able to properly handle planning his rites. I contacted Francesca and she should be home soon as well. ”

There was not body to properly put on display but a coffin would be order and filled to brim with flowers. It would sit in the drawing room where they might welcome mourners. Someone must be with it day and night though and that was a job fit for a woman. 

With their mother crushed and Daphne’s delicate condition, it was likely Eloise and Francesca would be left with most of the watch. She knew there would be no stopping Daphne from taking up the watch some of the time though or helping to ensure Colin had a fitting wake. Then there was the small matter of tokens for funeral goers. All would have be completed.

There would be an actual funeral but it wouldn’t be acceptable for any of the women to attend. That would fall on Anthony, Benedict and Gregory. They would get through it though somehow.

“I’ll make a list,” Daphne uttered, throwing herself head first into the work of it. This was how she was going to survive this moment. She moved toward the desk, going into find unused parchment. Without sleep Anthony wasn’t thinking properly enough to know that was where they’d hidden the ghastly letter.

It was only once she was in there and Benedict elbowed him hard that he saw fit to remember and he knew it was too late.

“What’s this?” she asked as she spotted the handwriting under the blank paper pulling it up. Her brown eyes narrowed as she began to read it. She gazed up from the words, feeling she’d violated her deceased brother’s privacy for having even read them. She wanted to ask if the others had seen it but one look told her that she had two brothers who knew full well about this. 

The last time she’d spoken one on one with her brother, he’d been so besotted by Marina Thompson that she wasn’t sure that he would ever get over her betrayal. Clearly, she had not known her brother as well as she thought that she had. The words on the paper broke her heart. Her brother had died not fully knowing just how deserving of love he was.

“What did _they_ do?” the Duke couldn’t help but ask, reaching to grab the paper from his wife and glancing it over. He could pick up on the distress on his wife’s face and he was fully prepared to give Anthony a black eye over it. This was already an unacceptable situation but if they’d done anything to add to the situation, he was going to be furious. At the moment, he wasn’t quite connecting the dots though.

“How _could_ you?” their sister berated. It was clear the distress they’d hoped to avoid had arrived. “I sincerely hope that I am wrong about the fact you have hidden this letter from its intended recipient.”

“ _It_ would crush her,” Benedict argued.

“It’s _not_ your place,” Daphne argued right back. 

“It is _our_ place. Her well-being is _our_ problem now and we won’t have this on our conscious. What good would it do her?” Anthony argued right on back, knowing full-well Daphne would win this argument. She always did.

“She deserves to know,” she told them, fury clearly written on her face. 

The Duke was pretty clear from looking at her that he wouldn’t have to be the one throwing the punches. Daphne would be the one doing it, if he didn’t stop her. He moved a little closer just in case he had needed to hold her back.

“Tell who, what?” a voice asked from the door.

All eyes turned to the tired, somber face of Eloise who had heard the arguing and decided to see what exactly was going on.

Anthony and Benedict gave pleading looks to Daphne to not tell their younger sister. They might be able to bury this letter with her knowing but not Eloise.

Daphne clearly didn’t heed the warning. She narrowed their eyes at them before grabbing the letter back from her husband, crossing the room and extending it to her younger sister.

“I’ll leave the massacre of our idiotic brothers to you,” Daphne uttered before moving out of the room just as quickly as she’d arrived. The Duke offered a sympathetic look to Anthony and Benedict before following after his wife.


	4. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". In chapter 4, Eloise faces unexpected information and goes to discover the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little forewarning for this chapter that there is some suicidal ideation. If this is a trigger for you, it might be best to avoid the first little bit of the Eloise/Penelope confrontation.

Anthony and Benedict had expected a lot of different reactions from their younger sister, dead silence was not one of them.

They stood there though watching as she read the letter, complete and utter disbelief and confusion clear on her face. 

Eloise Bridgerton was certain that Penelope Featherington told her everything. Sure, Colin had always been nice to Penelope but so were the rest of her brothers. 

If there had been something out of the ordinary, she would have picked up on it. If one of her brothers was taking more notice or spending more time with her, she would certainly picked up on it.

Colin had barely broken off his engagement to Marina before he departed. Why would _he_ have been so concerned about Pen?

This whole thing felt ludicrous and the only rational explanation was that this was some cruel prank. Sure, _she_ knew that Penelope was incredible but her brothers were all idiots. As much as she might have loved to have her best friend have become a sister, she’d never seen it as the remotest of possibilities.

Reading the letter, she felt almost guilty for having never given Penelope enough credit for being capable to grab the attention of one of her brothers.

After a long moment she raised a hand as if to tell her brothers to not even say a word. She was going to get to the bottom of this.

“You had both better hope that I don’t have cause to leave Gregory my only brother when I return,” she muttered and then with was gone, leaving the safety of the drawing room toward the one person who could answer any of the questions she had.

\--

The reason Penelope Featherington could get away with more than most was because no one actually ever paid her much attention. No one cared what she did honestly and that was why it was so easy to keep herself shut away in her bedroom, convince herself that it would be so much easier for everyone involved if she just disappeared.

There were certain things that she had to get in order though. She had forced herself to sneak in the night to allow Lady Whistledown to honor Colin but after that, she’d begun to get her affairs in order.

She had every intention of it being the last thing that she _ever_ sent to print. She intended to have the secret die with her so that those she loved could at least keep some self-respect.

There were other letters that she had debated putting together too but somehow the words that were the most important were the most impossible to put together. Her family wouldn’t even put on a show of missing her. The only person left who might actually miss her was Eloise. 

She kept plenty of things from her over the years though and perhaps, it was for the best if she never knew. 

The saddest part of it all was that her mother never learned. The necessary toxins were still easily accessible in the home. Penelope had listened when Marina had detailed what all she’d consumed. Surely, if that could nearly kill her if she doubled it, it would _actually_ do the job. If it didn’t work, she was pretty sure she would just throw herself into the sea.

Her normally healthy pink skin was pale, her hands trembled as she wrapped her hand around the deceptively sweet smelling cup of tea. She raised it to her lips, prepared to take a sip.

Her plan was interrupted by the door opening with a slam.

The look on her face must have said it all because all 167.6 centimeters of Eloise Bridgerton came at her with a horrified force, knocking the cup out of her hands letting it shatter and spill against the floor.

“What do you think you’re doing?!” the brunette bellowed.

It was enough the send Penelope crumbling into the ground, curling into herself. She was shattering and a part of her felt selfish for this all. She no longer had the strength to lie though.

“I want to join him,” she sobbed.

Eloise was completely taken aback but she still descended to her own knees, wrapping her arms around the red-head trying her to best to calm the storm. She didn’t have to understand any of this to understand that there wasn’t a chance in Hell of her letting Penelope actually harm herself.

“You will not,” she ordered. “I won’t let you.”

“This is all my fault,” Penelope cried.

Eloise didn’t see a possible scenario where that could be true. The letter that her brother had written was still clearly imprinted in her mind along with the millions of questions that followed. 

She was starting to think her brothers might have been right to share it.

A loud sigh escaped her lips and she forced her friend to look her in the face.

“My brother would _not_ want this no matter what happened between the two of you,” she said resolutely, knowing that without a shadow a doubt. 

It was Penelope’s turn for confusion to show across her features.

“ _Nothing_ happened between me and your brother.”

Eloise couldn’t help but wonder if this was one of those situations where someone protested too much. Sure, she’d clearly missed something but her eyes were wide open now and she just wanted to know the truth.

“Then why did he write to you?” she couldn’t help but ask.

If Penelope could have turned paler in that moment, she was pretty sure that she would have. Eloise wasn’t sure if she swooned, she’d have been able to keep her up right.

“He … wrote … _me_?” she asked.

Eloise nodded.

“ _Before he left_ ,” she said. “It just doesn’t make sense to me because you’ve never given me any inclination that you had any passing fancy for any of my brothers and – I know I’ve been busy with my investigation but surely, I would have noticed something. Surely, if you were _this_ in love with my brother, you would have told me.”

She didn’t say it because it was of no relevance now that Colin was gone but she was a bit hurt with the thought that she wouldn’t have been told. As much as it might have been weird, there was no one she would have rather had become a sister. In many ways, she’d always felt as if they were sisters.

Her words shamed Penelope.

“I didn’t tell you because he wouldn’t have felt the same. I’m not like you and your sisters. I don’t have Lords and Dukes fighting over my hand. The only men who ever dance with me at balls do so out of pity. Yes, I … believe I loved your brother but he never would have loved me. Maybe he didn’t marry Marina but there would be another next season or the next.”

Eloise’s loyalties were completely and utterly torn. Did she defend her brother’s character? Did she argue her best friend’s virtues? 

“ You’re incredible, Pen. Maybe the men and the Ton are idiots but that doesn’t change the fact you are one of the smartest, kindest and most loyal people that I’ve ever know. Even if I am furious at you for not telling me all of this, I’ll keep telling you as much.”

There was a pause, the folded letter retrieved from where she’d stashed it in her haste to get there to investigate.

She extended it toward her friend after a long moment of thought.

“I was going to say my brother was daft but apparently you _both_ are when it comes to romance. I’m sorry that he’ll never be able to tell you as much himself.”

\--

_My Dear Pen,_ _  
  
Everyone in my family has a bit of a label to them. I love them all dearly. It’s sometimes a big heavy trying to live up to their accomplishments. Being clever has always been my method of disguising my discomfort in my own skin at times. If you are reading this, I was a coward who couldn’t be man enough to utter the very words that have taken to plaguing my every waking hour.  
  
When I am with you, you disarm me. I am in awe of you to the point that it terrifies me. I’m not completely sure that you recognize how magnificent you truly are. I know that you think that no one takes notice of you but I do. You’re also my sister’s most beloved friend and as such I may have taken for granted the fact you would always be there.  
  
I know that I have acted beastly in recent weeks, throwing myself head first at an ill-fated engagement with little consideration for your own circumstances, ignoring you when you sought to warn me and taking our friendship for granted. I cannot apologize to you enough. I am completely and utterly undeserving of the repeated forgiveness you have bestowed upon me. I had hoped I might throw myself at you for your mercy once more. I know that you are facing bigger issues than my own selfish need of your company though.  
  
I understand now that this is why you spurned my request at the ball. I was wounded when you took leave of me but struggle to find sleep, I knew just how foolish I might have been to think that you would even want to spend the night dancing and talking with a rake like me. You have always deserved the attention of a man not a boy. You deserve someone who would put you above his own boyish whims. You deserve to be cherished always.  
  
By the time I return from Greece, someone else will have seen how magnificent you really are. Perhaps one day, I will grow into the man that you have always had faith that I could be and when I approach you won’t feel need to take leave of me. I will never be as good as Anthony or Benedict but if when we can meet again you so much as deem me worthy of friendship, I will not take such opportunity for granted._

_Your most humble friend,_  
  
_Colin_


	5. The Merchant Ship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". It's time for another Colin POV.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the delay in this next chapter. Thanks for all being so lovely.

Growing up, he’d always particularly enjoyed when the summers would get extraordinarily hot and he could sneak away to a watering hole of some sort where he might indulge in a swim. As the night darkened and it became perilously difficult to tell where the sea ended and the sky began he was grateful for the fact he was decent at it. 

He lost track of time. His only real awareness was that his body ached. He was very near the point of exhaustion and his lungs were struggling to keep up. He’d inhaled his fair share of water. He didn’t quite know how much longer he could possibly go on nor did he exactly know if he even stood a fighting chance.

He wasn’t quite sure where he was or how far he was from land. He was grateful for the calm waters though. Had there been a storm, he surely would have drowned right then and there. He was also grateful that he’d taken as astronomy course when he’d been at Eton. He couldn’t be entirely sure of anything but the North star could help give him some sense of direction.

He’d not been himself or concerned with where they’d been in their journey in days and he struggled to recall the small talk at dinners. He seemed to remember they were somewhere along the coast of France last he heard. If opted to head South and East in hopes he might find himself washed ashore in France or Spain. There was little chance he’d make it back home by sheer will.

He was vaguely aware of the passing of days and nights. He’d nearly fell asleep several times. He knew better than to let the exhaustion win. Sure, he might could float for a while but then when he came to, he would have lost complete track of where he was. He didn’t know enough of the currents to trust he wouldn’t push himself further from land.

The exhaustion wasn’t the worst part though. It was the near constant thirst and the hunger that began to set upon him after a while. The water wasn’t potable and he struggled to catch a little rainfall on his tongue but even still, he was never quite sated. He could feel his grip on reality starting to slip away. The longer it went, the more disoriented he became.

It was only in the dusk on day three or was it four that he thought he caught sight of a boat. His voice was too hoarse to scream and his body too weak to carry him to it of his own volition. He’d all but prepared himself to drown at this point and a part of him wondered if it wasn’t a mirage. 

The pain and exhaustion was becoming all too much and frankly, he almost would have welcomed drowning. It would have meant a stop to the pain and then perhaps he’d finally see the faces of the people he loved again; maybe not on the earthly plane but in Heaven.

As the last reserves of energy ran out and the world began to fade to black, it was his father he thought of. He imagined his father already there, pulling him from the water and giving him that sweet relief he sought.

\--

His body felt heavy but an increasing awareness of consciousness came upon him. The familiar lull of the sea was nearly enough to push him back to sleep. He felt heavy. Every bone in his body ached. His hands flexed and he was certain he felt fabric. It was enough to make him attempt to open one eye, then another.

He winced at the dull light of the room. 

A part of him wondered if he’d actually died but he had very serious questions about because surely there wouldn’t have been this level of discomfort. 

“ _Pardon_ ,” he heard a gravelly, heavily accented voice say. There was the sound of footsteps, accented by the creak of wooden floorboards. There was a cough and then a wiry, bespectacled man leaning over him curiously. There was certainly the familiar demeanor of a physician.

Colin attempted to open his mouth to speak to ask the million questions on his mind but his voice croaked painfully, unable to formulate any words.

“ _S'il te plait bois_ ,” the older man said, picking a cup and pressing it to Colin’s lips. Colin recognized the French and accepted the liquid willingly. It was pure, clean water and it took everything in his being to grab the cup and down the whole thing. He didn’t quite know if he had the strength.

The water did help a bit though. He opened his mouth to speak again and even though it still hurt to speak, he at least could get some words out.

“Merci,” he managed, his voice making it more than clear by accent alone that he was not French.

“You’re English, then?” the presumed physician said switching to meet the native tongue of his patient. “Are you aware of how far away from home you are?

It earned an exhausted nod from Colin.

“How …long? Where?” Colin managed out.

“You’ve been asleep for days. The prognosis was bleak,” the physician explained. “You were lucky to be spotted when you were. You must rest.”

“ But where… am I?”

“This is a merchant ship. The next stop is Bayonne. The Captain will see fit to have you disembark there where you might continue your convalescence.”

Colin attempted to push himself upright at that, the way his whole body ached from feet to the pounding of his skull clued him in that it wasn’t a good idea. His mind wasn’t quite right and his thought was to find his clothing, to find something of value to barter for passage back home. It took a moment for the realization that he had nothing but his name to find his way back home.

“I … must… home… London,” he winced out. It could take weeks to recover, to find someone willing to help him get home. He didn’t have weeks though. His family would surely hear of his ill-fated travel plan and the thought of the suffering it would inflict upon them only added to his pain. He could write but a letter would take just as long to get there as he would.

The physician wasn’t exactly heeding his pleas.

“You must rest, Monsieur – uh, _Pardon_. What is your name?”

“Colin,” he managed before forcing himself to add his family name. “Bridgerton.”

The physician reached for something in his bag, pouring some of it into another glass and then moving it to Colin’s mouth. From the smell, Colin knew it to be something strong and clearly alcoholic. 

He wanted to protest, to insist on staying awake but he didn’t have the ability to do as much. He opened his mouth to accept the liquid. His suspicions about the liquid were confirmed at taste. There was definitely whiskey of some variety there but there was also something else that warmed his blood and made the room feel a bit fuzzy.

“You must rest,” the physician insisted again.

Before Colin could properly formulate an argument, the concoction had done its job and knocked him back unconscious.


	6. An Ill-Advised Overture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". This chapter Penelope deals with her loss and things take a turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After a long 24 hours, I'm glad we're back in action here. Enjoy another chapter in the saga.

Getting Eloise to leave her alone again had been quite the task, especially after she went catatonic upon being handed the letter. She’d had to promise that there would be no further rash actions.

Her brain simply ceased to function because Colin Bridgerton writing her any letter felt beyond the realm of possibility. She wasn’t the kind of girl that any guy wrote those kinds of things to much less someone as perfect as Colin.

That was precisely the way she thought of him. He had been so perfect.

She couldn’t recall the first moment he transitioned from Eloise’s brother to the object of her every waking desire but that was because she’d felt that was as long as she could remember.

Not once in all those years did she allow herself the indulgence of believing that he could ever feel the same. His cordiality was the most she thought to hope for.

The only place that more could existence was in her very vivid imagination.

It was disorienting to go from extreme sadness to near ecstasy and then back to sadness once the reality set back in. Had she had any inkling he was still alive, she would have run away from home and used her Whistledown earnings to find him.

It was those thoughts that comforted her once she was tucked in her bed and left to her own devices. It played out so easily imagining arriving in Greece, tracking him down at some beautiful seaside inn.

She could almost imagine him scandalously shirtless on some beach, body glistening with the water from the sea and his trousers damp from having just taking an unplanned swim. She could picture his handsome, charming smile and his eyes widening in surprise at the sight of her.

She would have started to run to him and finally said the words that she’d wanted to say before he left. The words that she knew now could have prevented his trip to begin with.

His response in her imagination was enough to leave her aching. She could almost feel the warmth of his hand pulling his closer, his mouth scandalously close to her own. She could hear the chuckle from his lips and some teasing remark.

Her imagination dared not let it go further though.

The dream was what made her turn in her sleep, cry when she woke up in the morning and the reality sunk back in. Whatever he felt for her, losing him had made her see the depth of her own feelings all the more. She truly had loved him.

“I _promise_ I’ll give him up forever if you just let him come home,” she uttered to an invisible God, knowing as soon as it was from her lips that had it ever come to fruition, it would be beyond her abilities to do. She would never give him up, never stop loving him. She loved him so much that she’d sacrifice her own happiness a million times over just to know he was alive and well. “I promise I’ll do whatever you want. You can’t possibly be this _cruel_.”

\--

After a particularly intense debate, it was Benedict who ended up winning the battle of who would be the one to sacrifice on behalf of the family this time. He and Anthony agreed that it was vital that they ensure that his brother’s last known wishes were addressed.

Gregory was far too young to be considered a vital prospect so it had been between the two of them. Anthony had to sacrifice enough for their family. As much as Benedict desired a different kind of life and he wasn’t quite certain marriage was a part of it. The only way to be assured that Penelope was cared for was for her to marry one of them. 

He admittedly didn’t know the girl as well as some of his siblings. Eloise had always been his favorite though and as such, he knew that his sister wouldn’t have chosen an unworthy best friend. He also knew that Colin wouldn’t have been quite so worked up over a no one.

He’d shared a few dances with Penelope during the year mostly at his mother’s urging as a mercy. When he looked at her, he thought of her as the little girl she’d once been instead of the woman. There wasn’t attraction there but he found her congenial and kind. 

While his parents had shared a great love story, his mother had never been shy to tell her children that not marriages were born of love. Sometimes, they were born of necessity. There was always room for companionship and friendship to grow into love.

He was uneasy about the whole ordeal but he was a man of his word. Once it was settled, it was simply a matter of approaching the discussion with Portia Featherington. If he were honest, such a conversation was far more frightening than the prospect of a marriage that wasn’t born of some unrelenting love.

He was almost grateful when Eloise brought news that she’d shared the letter because it had bought him more time. He had to let the dust settle before he could even think to approach such a thing. He nearly lost his nerve as he crossed the way to the Featheringtons and requested an audience with Lady Featherington.

\--

It wasn’t the right season for callers, especially for her daughters. The assumption when the staff announced Benedict Bridgerton had come to speak with her was that this was a mourning visit. She couldn’t logically think of any other reason for such a visit.

She’d had her staff bring him to the drawing room, standing once she saw him in the doorway.

There was a quiet exchange of bows, her eyes appraising before gesturing where he might sit. He had flowers in hand. 

“Can I offer you some tea, Mister Bridgerton?” she asked.

“It won’t be necessary.”

“Well then, I must admit I’m most curious for the reason for you visit,” she said, eyeing the flowers with curiosity. “As you know, the season has been over for some time now and our home is in mourning. As it yours from what I hear. We’ve all been so truly sorry to hear about Colin. It’s such a tragedy.”

Benedict wasn’t quite sure she was actually sorry about the loss of his brother. He remembered himself and presented the flowers though. The whole conversation so far reminded him why he tended to avoid any interaction with the women. He hoped Penelope wasn’t horribly attached to her mother because while he was perfectly fine accepting her as part of his life forever, he wasn’t quite willing to accept her mother.

“Well it’s quite indelicate but it is of the utmost importance that I seek your … _permission_ ,” he tried to explain, coughing into his hand to try and find words that felt unnatural. He’d always desired a different kind of life than this. “Both of our families have experienced loss lately and it is my … wish to ease some of the pain both our families are feeling. I would like to ask your daughter … Penelope to wed – clearly an extended engagement – respectful to our losses but a proposal none the less.”

If he could have grown a second head, Portia Featherington wouldn’t have looked at him any less bewildered and startled by this turn of events.

“It would be inappropriate to allow any wedding for the foreseeable future,” she started. She then began to try and manipulate the situation to better her situation. The money wasn’t there to pay for a dowry. She’d honestly not been prepared to have to pay a dowry for Penelope since she assumed she’d end up as a spinster. “I wouldn’t _dream_ to deny you a dowry –“

“It _won’t_ be necessary,” he said, trying to keep polite. The point was to assure Penelope got the happy ending Colin desired for her and frankly, he wasn’t sure someone else was going to come along and offer it. If that meant not receiving a dowry, so be it. “I really _must_ have your blessing in the matter though.”

“Are you sure you wouldn’t _rather_ have Prudence? – Or Felicity in a few years even?”

“No.”

“Well then,” she said with a hand gesture. “Help yourself to it then.”

The woman then proceeded to yell for her daughter so loud that it was any wonder that half the Ton didn’t hear her yelling.

Benedict hadn’t quite expected the whole thing to happen quite so… quickly. If he must do this, he’d hoped to at least given it a bit of finesse.

Penelope did enter the room as requested though.

The two exchanged looks.

Penelope looked particularly meek and perhaps a little sad from where he was sitting. He’d never quite spent more than a passing second looking at her. There was no time like the present to begin though. Penelope bowed slightly in greeting. Had it been outside the formality of her mother’s drawing room, she might have greeting him by name. Formality always seemed to slip away with Eloise’s siblings.

“Penelope, Mister Bridgerton and I just have the most _peculiar_ conversation,” she said gesturing to the space next to herself so that her daughter would come sit down. The confusion on Penelope’s face became all the more clear.

“I wanted to seek your permission to court with the intention of marriage,” he said awkwardly. “I know that it’s off season and our families are in-”

Penelope was to her feet at once. Her face twisting in fury and confusion all at once.

“Are you drunk?” she couldn’t help but ask.

“ _Penelope_?!” her mother bellowed, clearly not charmed by the outburst before she lowered her voice and murmured under grit teeth. “That is not way to talk to your only prospect of marriage.”

“It’s quite okay,” Benedict offered, excusing away the behavior. “I know that it’s sudden but I assure you that my proposal is sincere. It’ll be a strike upon my honor should you refuse.”

“I _refuse_ ,” she said sharply.

Benedict had never quite seen the normally meek girl quite so riled up. The red of her hair seemed to spread across her skin. He seemed to take that as a sign she was quite angry.

“I cannot accept that answer,” he told her, unsure whether to laugh or be afraid. 

“And I cannot accept your proposal. If this is about your brother, he would think you an idiot.”

Portia Featherington looked unsure whether to tell her daughter to stop being insolent or enjoy the front row seat to the drama. While she preferred when the drama stayed away from her own family, she did very much love to see it. Clearly her daughter had forgotten the fact she was even there.

“My brother wanted you to be happy and cared for,” the Bridgerton countered. “I simply wish to ensure that happens.”

Portia let out a soft ‘oh’ as if it suddenly made sense why a perfectly decent eligible bachelor would choose Penelope over one of her better daughters. Though, she was also semi-impressed that Penelope had somehow convinced someone to look out for her.

“I can look after myself,” Penelope argued, rising to her feet. “I’ll _never_ marry.”

Portia finally decided to interject. “Not on my watch,” she told her daughter. “You best accept this proposal or you’ll end up on the streets. I won’t have you _rejecting_ a Bridgerton.”

“This isn’t for negotiation,” Penelope said looking murderous as she stormed her way out of the drawing room, slamming the door on her way out.

Benedict, despite being a bit shellshocked, could only laugh.

“Well, that went well.”


	7. Kismet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". In this Chapter, Penelope faces some demons and gets some excellent advice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a week, we've just had! I hope to get a few more chapters out over the weekend.

Furious didn’t begin to cover it. Penelope was practically shaking with rage as she made her way into the cool of night. It was almost _nice_ to feel something other than heartbreak though. 

She couldn’t quite put a finger on _who_ she was mad at. It was more a general anger that had been building up for some time. The proposal had just been a triggered that sent it bubbling up.

She’d had to leave her home or she knew she would have done far worse than raise her voice or walk away from a proposal. She had spent years dreading the moment she came of age to become part of society. 

She’d been a particularly normal child and she knew that once upon a time her mother had treated her much the same she treated her other children. Her sisters had always been naturally thin, perfectly average but she had always been softer. Her mother had assumed she’d outgrow the baby fat but it never happened and the older she became, the more her mother saw fit to constantly insult her.

It was a nearly daily battle attack of her appearance and when it wasn’t that, it was something else. At some point, she’d stopped thinking she’d ever amount to much of anything. She never quite felt _enough_. Her mother had ensured as much. When her mother all but deemed her ineligible, she believed it to be true.

That was why she became skilled into camouflaging into walls. If people didn’t notice her, they couldn’t hurt her. Only part of her plan had worked. The problem was that she _did_ care. She wanted to be the person who got asked to dance. She wanted someone to deliver her flowers. She wanted to be _enough_ for someone.

She _had_ been.

Her mind couldn’t quite believe the words that Colin had written her though. The last words he would ever write her. There wouldn’t be any romance from Mister Bridgerton.

The fact that Benedict thought that he could just come, propose to her and everything was going to turn out okay was preposterous.

Sure, she knew he was a good guy. That wasn’t her problem though.

She’d spent half her life praying that one day she’d wake up and just be part of the Bridgerton family instead of her own. She _couldn’t_ do this though; She refused to accept a proposal borne of grief or sympathy.

She wouldn’t curse someone to the misfortunate of being stuck with her, especially when she knew that they weren’t in love with her nor she them. Her mother would have found it foolhardy to even care about such things but for Penelope Featherington there was nothing more important.

Penelope wasn’t sure that anyone actually loved her. Even Colin had called her a friend. She project her own feelings into his words a million times over but they didn’t make them his. She wouldn’t have believed them even if he uttered them to her. 

That didn’t change the fact that Colin Bridgerton was the only man that she’d ever loved and in the depths of her heart, she wasn’t sure there was room for anyone else. 

Colin had been there since he was a boy and even he would never be an old man, he’d be there in hers until her time came.

Perhaps that was why her feet carried her through the streets almost absently until she found herself pushing past a gate and into a darkened graveyard with an adjacent church. It was almost eerie with the silence. 

She made her path through the graves, not even stopping in her own family tomb where she knew her own father laid. Instead she moved, not settling until she saw the Bridgerton name. Without a body, Colin would never be placed there amongst his family members.

\--

A gloved hand touched her back from behind and it was enough to startle her, made her turn in panic. As childish as it was, she half expected to see a ghost. Instead she saw something far scarier: Violet Bridgerton. 

The last time she’d seen the matriarch of the family, she’d been crumbling but the woman before her seemed back to her usual strength, though clearly sad.

“I apologize for startling you,” Violet said before her eyes seemed to access the situation and concern spread across her features. “It’s not safe for a Lady such as yourself to be wandering after dark alone, improperly covered for the night. You’ll freeze, My Dear. What are you doing out here?”

“I – was,” Penelope stammered, mildly afraid and unable to really formulate an excuse in her head. A part of her wondered just how much Violet knew of everything. She wasn’t about to ask. Instead she recovered, nodded politely and said, “You’re unaccompanied yourself, Lady Bridgerton.”

“ _Violet_ , Dear,” she told her with a sad laugh, urging the informality. “I suppose that’s fair. I always sneak out when the children are distracted or asleep, especially when I wish to visit with their father. I wasn’t aware he already had an audience tonight. Has he been much help?” 

Penelope felt relief wash over her in a way. She felt she had been let in on some really important adult secret. She couldn’t help but wonder if any of Violet’s children knew about their mother’s habit. There was something weirdly comforting in knowing that the woman still sought out her husband even though he’d been dead for so long.

Violet’s devotion to her husband was so endearing that Penelope couldn’t help but feel safe to speak openly. 

“Sadly no,” Penelope told her. “Though, I suppose the fact that you’re here could be an answer in itself. I’m sorry if I’m intruding on your time.”

Was _this_ a sign? Had Colin directed his mother here from Heaven to show her that even if he was gone it was okay to love him forever?

“It’s not an intrusion. I’d be remiss to not side with you and say that this meeting was kismet,” the elder Bridgerton told her. “ _Please_ unburden yourself on me. My children think I’m so delicate that they’ve taken to keeping everything from me, forcing my convalesce instead of letting me attend to them and they’re the ones who need their mother most right now.”

Never in her life had she wanted Violet Bridgerton to be her mother more.

“ _Funny_ ,” she started with a light smile. “They’re treating me much the same. Less mothering, more thinking I need to be … taken care of.”

“Do you not wish to be?” Violet asked, almost disregarding that there could possibly be more questions to ask before that for context. There was something in the look in her eyes that told Penelope that somehow the older woman knew far more than she was saying though.

“Not like _this_ ,” Penelope told her honestly. 

“I take my role as mother very seriously. I’ve always _known_ my children and the things that make them who they are. I’ve known that you fancied my son for far longer than probably even you are aware. I’m also aware that of his many gifts, being quick on the uptake isn’t one of them,” Violet started in, leaving Penelope to awkwardly shift on her feet. “Colin is – _was_ – remarkable and I have no doubt he could have made you very happy but as his mother, I have to urge you to not miss out on life mourning him. Graveyards are lonely places to spend one’s time sneaking away to.”

“It’s _not_ -“ Penelope started, wanting to protest a little and perhaps explain.

“No, you _listen_ to me. When _my_ Edmund died, the world ceased spinning on its axis. It took a considerable amount of time to find my footing again. I had to learn to navigate life again. My children are who restored me. They healed me and every day I strive to heal them. Grief doesn’t fade but you learn to live without those who leave you. My children are the living, breathing proof of a great love that exists only in my heart these days. They give my life meaning as they grow and begin their own lives. You must find what gives your life meaning. You do not have to let Colin go from your heart to leave room for others to enter it.”

“I don’t think anyone is exactly fighting for room in my heart,” Penelope finally managed to say. She still wasn’t completely sure how much her older companion knew. Would she be speaking to her in such a manner if she did. “I don’t think I’m meant for a great love like yours. _Not now_.”

“Honestly _Penelope Featherington_!” Violet said with a motherly tick. “You’re a _delight_. I’ve known you since the day your mother birthed you. I won’t hear this because it’s simply not true. You were _always_ destined for greatness. You’re just a caterpillar who hasn’t quite transformed into a butterfly yet. Someone was _always_ bound to see you for who you are. I would have loved to have you as a daughter but even if you were never meant to be a Bridgerton, we’ll always be there to remind you of your worth. ”


	8. Inappropriate but not that Sordid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Chapter 8 is here to continue the saga.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another fairly short chapter but it felt a good stopping part for this one. Thanks for continuing to read.

_It would seem that Viscountess Violet Bridgerton could not wait for the arrival of Duke or Duchess's much anticipated bundle of joy to add to her family._

_It is reported Lady Portia Featherington seems to have finally rid herself of one of her daughters. While this Author, cannot be certain of the circumstances, it has been reported that not only has said daughter has been seen coming and going from Bridgerton family home quite frequently but household staff have been spotted with taking personal effects from one home to the next…_

**LADY WHISTLEDOWN'S SOCIETY PAPERS, 30 SEPTEMBER 1813**

\--

A few short weeks ago, she’d been practically dragged back to the home to warm up and get something to drink. The next thing that she knew, Violet Bridgerton was telling her mother in no uncertain terms that she wouldn’t be returning home that night or ever if she didn’t desire it.

Penelope had been appreciative to sleep in a guest room, to feel part of an actual family at their meals and to have a mother in her life that actually saw it fit to care about what she wanted. 

She was never judged for reading a book and more often than not she encouraged to have more to eat. She’d taken to barely eating in her own home to attempt to stave off comments that implied she was some sort of a pig. She never felt shamed for just existing here.

It was becoming increasingly hard to imagine ever going back even if she knew she inevitably would have to. This wasn’t her family and she didn’t want to become a burden to them.

No one felt that she was a burden though.

Her presence had managed to bring some small joy to a mood that was very much morose. They’d managed to memorialize Colin without his body and it had helped them. The house still smelled of the flowers that once filled it but the wake had passed and his brothers had handled the delicate matter of religious ceremony.

Even though the grief wouldn’t entirely fade away, they were all weren’t standing still anymore. They might have all still been in black but there was the slightest glimmer of joy there. The dark clouds that had enveloped them for weeks seemed to be leaving.

Penelope felt a bit guilty for starting to think that things could _actually_ be okay.

\--

Benedict hadn’t exactly bridged the subject since the night of his failed proposal. 

To say that he was surprised when his mother had all but moved the girl into their home would have been an understatement. He had spent the first few days waiting for something to be said but he had the sneaking feeling she was _avoiding_ being alone with him and while she never indicated anything was amiss at family meals, the fact she wouldn’t meet his eye said plenty.

Anthony had advised him to leave it be for now. Eventually things would boil over and they could make another go of it. Was it really smart to let her integrate into their family like this only to eventually leave it? Surely, she didn’t intend to stay there, unmarried for the rest of her days. It was hypocritical to think when he didn’t particularly mind if he ever did himself but still, there was concern.

After pilfering a cigarette from his Eloise, he’d stepped out to smoke it. A part of him wondered if he could slip away, spend the evening expressing himself in the only method he knew how: his art. Everyone else was starting to act like themselves again and he just felt useless.

Long legs swung in front of him cigarette moving between his hand and his mouth as he let his mind drift between the various things he currently saw as shortcomings.

“I owe you an apology,” he heard before he even realized he wasn’t alone anymore.

His eyes flickered up, finding Penelope standing there in front of him. There was something determined in her voice like she’d been building herself up to even speak to him. He was caught so off guard at an apology that he wasn’t about to argue it.

“You don’t,” he told her simply, gesturing to the vacant swing, welcoming her to join him.

In some ways, this was most inappropriate but he didn’t think there was anyone who would say anything. He’d spent plenty of nights sitting out with Eloise and talking about their lives but Eloise was his sister. Penelope, as much as people seemed to have forgotten, wasn’t.

“I do,” she told him honestly. “I just want you to know that it’s not _you_ that I’m against.”

He stubbed out the cigarette, deciding to focus on the conversation at hand. His jaw tightened slightly but his eyes softened. There were plenty of reasons that he could think of for her aversion to his proposal but it was at least nice to know that he wasn’t the offensive part of it.

“Do I dare ask what you are against?” he couldn’t stop himself from inquiring.

“Entrapment, sympathy - I love your family and while I know I’ve always been closer to others within it, I respect you too much for that,” she confessed, giving him a valid reason.

“It’s not entrapment when you go into it with your eyes open,” he said honestly. “I stand by my offer though I know I cannot force you into it. Surely, the past few weeks have made you see that you _belong_ with us though.”

It felt a bit like a betrayal to nod at the words but Penelope knew nothing he was saying to be a lie and Benedict for his part meant it. Penelope did feel like part of the family.

“I don’t need to be married to you or anyone else to be part of it though,” she said after an extended moment of quiet. “I know that you think the certainty that such a marriage would offer me but you would be miserable.”

“You say that as if I won’t be miserable regardless of who takes my name,” he said with a shrug. He had the find the balance between sincerity and areas where he might find himself in danger. “If I could change places with Colin, I would in an instant but I cannot do that. If you would only consider my proposal though you would see that I could be more than kind. You would be financially cared for -- you would have freedom to do as you please. Most importantly, you could officially become part of our family. Remove any potential stain from this … estrangement with your family.”

It was a hard bargain to turn away but also one that made guilt bubble up in her. 

They were doting on her, making her part of their family and they didn’t even know that about the money she had hidden away. She had more money than she would ever need to independently care for herself. With everything happening in recent weeks, Lady Whistledown’s identity hadn’t been a topic of conversation. Penelope didn’t even know how she’d continued to write about little tidbits she managed to hear through it all.

“I have to confess something,” she finally said after a long moment, deciding that perhaps it was time to unburden herself. She could tell Benedict and maybe then he could understand. Maybe once he knew he wouldn’t even think the prospect of marrying her was such a good idea anymore.

“I’m listening,” he told her clearly prepared to hear her out.

“I’m –“

The words were cut off and anything she intended to saw after wouldn’t have been heard. Eloise had apparently decided to come look for the both of them and thought it would be funny if she pretended to be someone chastising them for breaking the rules of society.

“You know that you shouldn’t be alone without a chaperone,” she said, making a mockery of the whole thing, crossing her arms as she played it up. “What will people say? They might think that you’re corrupting our house guest, Benedict.”

It was Benedict who rose from his seat, shaking his head to make room for his sister to take possession of his swing. 

“I’ve been _trying_ but I’m afraid she isn’t as debauched as you and I, _Dear Sister_ ,” he said musing Eloise’s hair with his hand. “Maybe you’ll have better luck.”

He did pause before moving to depart in order to address Penelope again.

“We can finish this conversation some other time but think about it,” he said with a nod and then he was gone.

Any prospect of revealing her identity as Lady Whistledown went out the window.

"Well now that he's gone I can steal you away. You have a package," Eloise advised.

Penelope certainly wasn't expecting anything.


	9. The Kindness of Strangers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes".

There were fleeting moments of consciousness here and there; bits and pieces of conversation overheard mostly in French which his mind tried to translate but only could manage the bare minimum. Most of the time, he lingered half-asleep, half-awake dreaming of a home that he was beginning to wonder if he’d ever see again. At first it had been a combination of sheer exhaustion and whatever the physician forced in his mouth that led him to sleep but several days in he became feverish. He had overheard voices outside where he was kept suggesting that if they didn’t make it to land, they weren’t sure he would survive.

The world _infection_ was universal and he knew what it meant. From the pain in his left leg, he had little question to where the infection lied. Bed sores from not properly moving had festered and now they had no choice but to treat it. He wasn’t quite of clear enough mind to ask questions or to fight whatever treatment was provided to him. When they cut into his skin to blood let, he screamed until his lungs felt as if they could scream no more and when they let him be his cried himself to sleep. The cycle repeated itself several times a day and eventually he lost track of time.

He was barely holding on by the time they docked and he carried to a waiting carriage, escorted by the physician to what he later learned was the home of another physician.

This physician was younger and clearly English. He lived with a wife and the wife would often come and hand feed him bread or tea to ensure he kept up his strength. 

Most importantly to him, she had curly red hair that reminded him so very much of Penelope though there was no comparison. There mere thought of Penelope Featherington at this point made his heartache. The first time he’d seen her in a haze, he’d thought she _was_ Penelope.

“ _Pen_ ,” he murmured, mustering strength, trying to reach for her.

Concern was always clear on the woman’s face and she was always kind. She didn’t hesitate to take his hand, try and calm him down. 

“You need your rest,” she would say. “The fevers will come back if you don’t.”

“I must tell you something-“

“Then you must say it,” she would say, squeezing his hand. Her husband was never far, always just across the room working on his notes or crushing some concoction in a mortar. 

They’d all but decided that the infection might still take him and if he were to die, they’d let him go in peace. The only way to do that was to give him the freedom to say whatever needed to be said.

“I’m _in love_ with you,” Colin declared, hardly caring that he could barely keep his eyes open or that it was impossible that Penelope be there now. In his mind, she was. “I should have never have left.”

  
The husband and wife exchanged glances as if trying to determine what the best course of action would be. Ultimately, they decided that it best to carry on until their guest could properly be lured back to sleep. The husband moved to set what appeared like an innocent tea beside her so that she might get their patient to drink.

“Then you must drink and get better for me,” the wife told him, rising the cup to Colin’s lips. That was all it took him to fall back into a hazy sleep.

Once he was asleep the wife patted his hand, rose back to her feet and moved toward her husband at the foot of the bed. She looked somberly back toward the patient.

“I hope that he does,” she confessed. 

\--

He did manage to pull himself from near death though, his mind becoming clearer and more certain with every passing day. Everything that he had of value had disappeared along with his ill-fated boat. He was honestly just grateful to have landed in the home of two people who had no desire to see him on the streets.

He told them about everything.

His family, his failed engagement, his travels plans and even Penelope. 

The way he spoke of her clearly endeared him to the wife even further, to the point that they offered to pay his passage when they returned to England to visit their family in a few short weeks. 

With limited options, he accepted.

He could not just sit idly back as a houseguest though. Even though he was still recovering from his experience, he had immaculate handwriting and became an asset for the physician/helping him organize his notes and performing small errands that wouldn’t exert him.

He dared not ask for more than a little food and a bed to sleep in after all the generosity that had been displayed to him but they did give him a little money to find clothing to keep him until he could be back with his wardrobes at home.

\--

It was a trip to a tailor that made him feel more like himself and less like someone in borrowed clothes that never fit quite right. He didn’t get much, just enough to help him exist until he returned. It was a dress shop next to the tailor that caught his eye instead.

He had been to the Modiste back home with his mother and sisters more times than he cared to acknowledge. This was no Modiste but the dresses on display were immaculate. He could easily imagine his sisters fighting over a few of them. 

There was a dress that stood out against the rest. 

It was a net dress that was embroidered with silver lame, which he could only imagine matched the petticoat. The neck and the sleeves of the gown were trimmed with Brussels lace and a matching train. It looked as if it cost a fortune, which he might have been able to negotiate in London but he was living on the kindness of strangers here. 

His hand reached to touch the lace that adorned it, his chest hurting as he imagined it on pale skin, pinked with embarrassment. All it took was his mind thinking of her face and he knew he would do anything in his power to get it to her.

“Mister Bridgerton,” a voice said behind him. He was so unfamiliar with his own name and existence at this point that it caused him to jump, his body turning slightly in shock. From the way she looked at him, she hadn’t expected to see him but she also didn’t seem to think him dead which was a positive.

“Madame Delacroix,” he stammered, actually stunned by this turn of fate. “I thought Benedict said you were in Paris.”

“Well he told me that you were going to be traveling to Greece.”

“It’s a long story,” he managed. “But perhaps, I can have you vouch for me. I _must_ have this dress.”

“It would have to be taken in considerably for one of your sisters… or out if it’s for yourself,” she said eyeing him and then the dress. She nodded after a long minute though. “Your family has always paid their debts and as a matter of keeping their business when I return to London, I suppose something could be arranged.”

For the first time in weeks, he felt as if he could do anything. He came very close to hugging the woman. He didn’t know if she knew how much it meant to him.

“It’s for Penelope Featherington,” he said after a long moment. “If you could have it sent to her, I’d be much obliged and if you could put a note with it.”

The Modiste tilted her head in surprise but then nodded. “And what will this note say?”

“For when you decide to put away the mourning black,” he told her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is you latest Colin update. I hope that it brought some good Polin vibes.


	10. Admirer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Chapter 10 involves a gift and an entertaining family meal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chaos is ensuing. Hope you all enjoy.

Penelope didn’t have the slightest clue who might send her a package much less what it might contain. Her family was barely speaking with her at this point since she’d _abandoned_ them for the Bridgerton home. To be perfectly honest her initial thought that it was a mistake and the package wasn’t for her at all but Eloise had been so insistent that it was for her and they needed to investigate its contents immediately.

The package had been delivered to the guest room that she was staying in. It looked enormous as she made her way through the door and caught sight of it from the doorway. No wonder Eloise was so curious about it!

The package was massive, a neat box with ribbon around it in a neat bow to seal it off. In simple lettering there was her name and the address for her old home. Someone had saw fit to send it from there to here but there was no denying that it was meant for her and yet, she was almost scared of the contents.

When she opened, there was a simple piece of parchment folded over. She reached for it first hoping for some answers to the who or what.

Inscribed in a handwriting that felt familiar but not something she could put with a person was a simple sentence ‘ _For when you decide to put away the mourning black’_ and it was unsigned. She turned the parchment over as if hoping for there to be more, her face twisting in confusion.

“Do you recognize this handwriting?” she asked handing the letter over the Eloise.

Eloise for her part took it up and rose an eyebrow at the words. There was a moment of silence before she saw the other girl shake her head no.

“It’s familiar but no,” she said honestly before she egged things on. “Perhaps the contents will give us more of a clue who sent it.”

Penelope nodded forging ahead. Wrapped curiously in the box was the most beautiful fabric that she’d ever seen and her eyes widened as she pulled it free realizing it was a dress.

Eloise’s jaw nearly hit the floor in surprise as the dress revealed itself. 

“You have an admirer,” Eloise declared moving to touch the dress, examine it alongside her friend. “It’s going to look incredible on you – but in order to decide where you should wear it, we clearly need to investigate.”

There was no question that it would fit. It was perfect. Penelope couldn’t remember ever owning something that looked as if it was truly meant for her.

She laid the dress on her bed before focusing back on the box, looking for any indicators of where it might have come from. It was Eloise who spotted their first clue.

“It came from France,” she said excitedly. “Who do you know in France?

That didn’t particularly answer any questions though.

There was no one that she knew. Her mind searched the last year, conversations that she’d had with people and it was only when she remember a conversation that she’d had with Eloise that a lightbulb went off in her head.

“ _Benedict_ ,” she said after a long moment. Surprised at the answer.

“He’s not been in France. We were literally just speaking with him.”

“No,” she said with a hand gesture. “You said he was friends with the Modiste, right?”

“Well yes,” Eloise said clearly not putting two and two together.

“And you said that she was traveling to France, yes?”

“Yes but – why would Madame Delacroix send you this dress with _that_ note?”

“ _Benedict_ ,” Penelope repeated, confusion flooding her features.

“Okay but why would he –“ Eloise asked, clearly missing out on something big.

“Because he proposed,” Penelope finally told her friend. Sure, it probably should have come up in conversation in the many weeks of her staying there but it seemed easier to not say anything at all since she’d rejected it. 

“He _what_?” Eloise almost yelled.

Penelope covered her friend’s mouth with her hand in an attempt to not disturb the whole of the household.

“Weeks ago,” Penelope told her, removing her hand only when she was certain there wouldn’t be more yelling. “I rejected it.”

“All things considered should I be worried for Anthony or Gregory,” Eloise couldn’t help but ask before she realized it might be insensitive. “I’m sorry - I just didn’t expect that but it makes sense. Maybe he thinks he can change your mind.”

The truth of the matter was that Penelope had all but made up her mind that she wouldn’t but then there was that dress; the perfect dress and the note made sense to her. He was willing to wait until she was ready to forge ahead. She closed her eyes for a long moment, willing to conflicting thoughts at bay. 

Maybe she did need to consider the offer.

“What if I did?” Penelope asked after a long moment.

\--

Dinner was certainly quieter than usual. Violet Bridgerton was used to her children being quite talkative but the majority of conversation seemed to be led by Anthony. 

There seemed to be something quite curious going on: Eloise kept looking toward Benedict, Penelope seemed overly preoccupied with her dinner, Benedict kept looking between Eloise and Penelope. She desperately wanted to get to the bottom of this but she knew eventually the truth would come out.

“Did anyone do anything interesting today?” she asked as she cut her quail, taking a bite as she waited for a response.

“I don’t know. Benedict, have you done anything _interesting_ recently?” Eloise asked pointedly.

“I …can’t say that I did,” he responded looking to Anthony for support because he definitely didn’t know what his little sister was on about.

“Don’t look to me,” Anthony responded. “I don’t know what you’ve done.”

“He didn’t do anything but if he did it was most _kind_ ,” Penelope finally offered.

“So he did something kind,” Hyacinth said jumping into the adult conversation at hand.

“That doesn’t sound much like our brother,” Gregory added, not one to be left out.

Violet now knew that Benedict had done something but she didn’t know what it was. Whatever it was Eloise was clear on it, though she wasn’t based on her powers of motherly observation if that thing was actually considered good or bad.

“I didn’t do anything,” he said, sounding more and more confused by the moment. “If someone would like to tell me what I did, I’d be much appreciative.”

“So, you didn’t _propose_ to my best friend?” Eloise said from across the table.

“ ** _BENEDICT BRIDGERTON_** ,” Violet raising her voice. Her jaw dropped silently. Clearly she had missed that part. “When did you intend to tell your mother? 

“Weeks ago and she said no,” he said with a shrug. He came fairly close to throwing Anthony under the bus for having been the one to lead him down that path but he took mercy.

Penelope was pretty sure if she could have melted into the table and disappeared at the moment she would have because all eyes were immediately on her.

Dinner was growing cold as the entertainment was clearly of greater value to all.

“But he hasn’t given up,” Eloise felt a need to point out. “I caught him speaking with her alone outside. At the time I didn’t know what he was up to but –“

“It was an innocent conversation and she approached me,” he said, in defense of the situation.

“Eloise-“ Penelope said trying to get this whole thing to stop.

Eloise was too far gone though and there would be no stopping any conversation she felt she needed to have at this moment. 

“Well you better invite me along on the honeymoon,” Eloise said, making an indignant sound. “I still think it’s crazy but – you won.”

“ _I won_?” Benedict asked incredulously.

“Your little gift did the trick,” Eloise said rolling her eyes.

“What gift?” Anthony asked.

“The dress,” Penelope said after a long moment.

“You bought her a dress?!” Violet asked sounding absolutely delighted.

Anthony and Benedict exchanged glances and Benedict shook his head. They’d all lost their mind because he certainly hadn’t sent anything. Would it be wise to argue it at this point? Benedict was starting to wonder if someone had done something on his behalf or maybe he had been drunk and done something.

“Uh… did I?” he asked.

“Yes and it was beautiful,” Penelope said finally.

Benedict clearly looked unsure what to say and he was almost grateful for the fact that Anthony was the one to excuse himself from the table, look at his brother.

“Well, we’re glad to hear that you like it,” Anthony said. “We have some other… things to work on but um, yeah- It pleases me to hear you’re reconsidering the proposal.”

Benedict mouthed a ‘thank you’ at his brother and followed him out, moving than he would had the room actually been in fire. He needed to know what in the unholy Hell was going on, especially since their mother was now involved.

The only thing more dangerous than their mother when there was a match to be made was their mother when there was a wedding to be planned.

He wasn’t quite sure if that was the case here but he wasn’t going to stick around to find out when there were more pressing things to figure out first.


	11. Burning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Chapter 11 is here to bring chaos and a little arson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pure chaos. Hopefully it makes up for the fact this has been a busy week.

Benedict’s head was spinning by the time he made it out of the dining room and into the solitude of the study with Anthony. The last fifteen minutes or so of his life had been particularly perplexing. Everything in life had been a bit topsy-turvy of late though so he couldn’t be quite sure about anything.

“Did _you_ do it?” he asked in an accusatory tone toward Anthony as soon as the door was shut and there was little chance of the women of the household eavesdropping on them.

“I’m the one who told you to let the girl breath and then come to realize she should take your offer,” Anthony told him, reaching for a decanter full of brandy. He had a feeling it was going to be one of those nights where it was very much needed.

“I didn’t do it though,” Benedict confessed shaking his head. His hand rose to his head, fingers massaging at his temple. “If it wasn’t me and it wasn’t you, then who?”

“Daphne?” Anthony suggested after a moment’s thought. “She honestly could have been a bit clearer in her messaging though. You know how our sister loves to interfere in matters that don’t necessarily concern her.”

“She did involve herself with the whole Marina Thompson matter,” Benedict rationalized. Daphne definitely didn’t know how to not get involved in things and she had read the letter from Colin. She knew how close Penelope had always been to their family. It was a strong possibility that she’d been involved in this. 

That still left the question of what to do about it if she did. 

Everyone had already made up their mind that Benedict had been the one to make the purchase and it had made a bit of an impact. Was it really such a terrible idea if they continued to think that he had made the purchase?

He didn’t quite feel right about taking credit that he didn’t deserve though. There was something about the whole situation that felt off and he couldn’t quite place it.

He wasn’t quite sure he could bear to crush Penelope Featherington by telling her that he had nothing to do with it; especially since she seemed to be warming up the idea of being his wife.

What sort of marriage would it be if it began on a lie? The truth would eventually slip out. If it was Daphne, she’d inevitably see Penelope in the dress and say something that would reveal the secret. If it was some other prospective suitor, they’d likely make themselves known eventually.

“How am I supposed to tell her that it wasn’t me?” he asked, frustration clear in his voice. “I’m damned regardless of the way it goes.”

“Maybe we figure out some more information before you do anything,” Anthony said honestly. “I mean, you distract and I’ll sneak into Penelope’s room and investigate.”

“How exactly do you suggest I distract?” Benedict asked with a shrug knowing that this was probably the best scenario to go with. 

Anthony let out a bit of a laugh putting down a now half-empty glass before moving around to a cabinet that was locked, unlocking it and pulling out a box and tossing it at his brother like it wasn’t some priceless family heirloom.

“Well if you’re going to have a fiancé, you should probably follow the dress with some jewelry,” he said with a smirk.

“I _hate_ you,” Benedict said as he opened the box, admiring the ring that he knew was his to give. Each child would get a certain number of heirlooms from the family to pass on. Anthony would get the lion’s share but as the second eldest, he had always had their late Ledger Grandmother’s ring.

“But you’re grateful for me for coming up with a scheme so impenetrable, they’ll be cooing over your display and not even notice that I’m off doing reconnaissance,” Anthony argued.

Benedict couldn’t begin to argue with that logic.

\--

By the time that Benedict made it back to the rest of the family, they’d relocated to the music room. His mother was working on her embroidery while his younger siblings were busy playing. He spotted Eloise and Penelope sitting on the couch, sharing a box of candies. 

He took a deep breath before he pushed past the threshold, unable to stop his brain from screaming that this was a terrible plan and that he ought to abort it immediately. Surely there was a better way to distract. 

His mother looked up from her embroidery prepared to ask about where her eldest had gotten off to but before the words could get out, Benedict was coughing as if he wanted the attention on himself.

It was very effective in gathering the attention of the room.

“I know that the excitement over the… package you received hasn’t quite worn off,” he said to Penelope after a long moment. “Perhaps it is ill-advised to push the matter further but I have something… that I think would look quite splendid with any dress.”

Violet seemed to perk up at that, especially as her son moved closer.

The stunt was working. He had a captive audience. Even Gregory and Hyacinth had paused their play to observe.

“I do not deserve all of this,” Penelope argued. 

“I’m going to give it to you anyways,” Benedict argued moving over, long hands moving over his box to open it. Inside was an immaculate gold ring with pearls and sapphires adorning it.

Penelope’s eyes widened at the sight.

This was certainly a statement and the sheer weight of it had everyone in the room breathlessly engaged.

“You want… me … to wear _this_?” she asked trying to wrap her mind around how much her life had changed in recent weeks. As much as she would have liked to say that she’d kept an open mind about her future, she’d only ever seen two scenarios. It was Colin or nothing at all.

Benedict Bridgerton was in front of her now and it was very difficult to wrap her head around. As weird as it was, it was admittedly nice to be doted on and to be part of the story instead of some side character to the bigger plot. She wasn’t the girl who watched from the shadows anymore. 

“That’s generally the point,” Benedict said. He made a gesture with his free hand to her own.

After a long moment of not moving, Eloise was the one to kick her shin to drive her to action. Whatever misgivings Eloise had about her best friend marrying Benedict, she’d apparently gotten over it.

Penelope extended her hand after a long moment. It was as close to an out of body experience as she’d ever had. She’d danced with all the Bridgerton men through the years and held their hands as part of it. She’d never quite given much thought to any of it aside from those moment with Colin.

Benedict’s hands were surprisingly warm but rough. It was clear he used them regularly with his art. She could see hints of charcoal that hadn’t quite been washed away in the cracks.

Her gaze moved over his face as he moved her hand, carefully secured the ring to her fingers. It was a little bit of a tight fit but it did look nice there. Just as quickly as he’d placed it there, she fully expected him to take his hand back.

She was surprised when he dipped down to kiss the top of her hand.

She wasn’t quite sure if she’d even fully agreed to proceeding with an engagement but she also wasn’t sure that she could stop this if she tried.

As he took stepped away again, she couldn’t help but see how thrilled Violet looked and after being taken in she would be hard-pressed to want to disappoint the woman.

Though any further thoughts were lost to the smell of smoke.

\--

Anthony knew that it was vital he not be anywhere near the Music Room while Benedict put on his charm and distracted their family. He honestly would have given his right arm to laugh at Benedict making a fool out of himself though.

It was relatively easy to sneak through the halls without anyone paying him much attention. He stayed alert though, cautious to not draw the attention of any their staff. He didn’t need a maid ratting him out.

He considered himself lucky when he made it into the open guest room. It was neat and the bed appeared to be freshly made. The abandoned box was still sitting on a table though and he moved to investigate, opening it first looking for clues. It empty. Clearly someone had saw it fit to move it to the wardrobe.

His next move was to look at the note. The writing was definitely _not_ a member of his household but he did recognize it. He’d received many an invoice in that familiar handwriting and paid each and every one of them. 

He then moved to look at the box itself. 

It came from France. It made sense with what he knew. The Modiste had escaped to their weeks ago. He only knew as much since Benedict had been enjoying her company prior to her departure and as the eldest Bridgerton he saw fit to know everything.

Another clue was in where it had gone.

It had gone to the Featherington’s first.

There as literally no one in the Ton who didn’t know that Penelope had taken up residence with them though.

It all seemed to make sense that it would have been the Modiste.

A new theory came to life in his head.

Women could be dangerous when jealous. What if the rumors of something between Benedict and Penelope had reached France and the Modiste felt slighted? What if the dress had been meant as a revenge on the poor girl?

Anthony had to protect her.

He stormed over the wardrobe, opening it with a slam and cursing when he realized how many dresses were in their and how little he remembered of what Penelope actually wore.

“Bloody Hell,” he muttered before grabbing them all, stuffing what he could into the box and proceeding down the hall and down the stairs to their backyard. The only solution was to burn it all.

He threw them in a pile once a safe distance from the structure, using a matchbox in his pocket to ignite a light and toss it one it to start a small fire.

Penelope’s entire wardrobe was well engulfed before anyone bothered to notice what he was doing.

Benedict came first, followed by the rest of the motley crew. There was something accusatory in his features.

“What in God’s name are you doing, Anthony?” he asked. Searching for a bucket or something that he might be able to retrieve water and smolder the flames.

It took a moment for everyone else to figure out what was being burnt exactly and when they did, there were a bunch of angry people to contend with.

“Have I done something to offend you?” Penelope couldn’t help but ask wondering if this was some backwards way of demanding her return to her own family.

“Hardly,” Anthony argued.

“Then why would you destroy all of her dresses?” Eloise asked, sounding like she could very nearly slap her own brother.

She wasn’t the only one though.

“ _Someone_ saw fit to mislead you,” he explained. “The dress was meant for revenge and no one under my roof is going to fall prey to it.”

“It was just a dress. The most beautiful dress and – why would Benedict want to get revenge?”

Benedict had found some water and was tossing it on it though it didn’t completely put out the flames. His head turned at the accusation.

 _Fucking Anthony_.

“I didn’t send it,” he was forced to confess which resulted in all the anger that had been directed toward Anthony to turn on him.

“What do you mean, _you_ didn’t send it?” Penelope asked.

She didn’t stick around for the answer though. Instead she elbowed him hard in the stomach before storming back inside.

The impact definitely must have hurt because Benedict winced before mouthing ‘traitor’ at Anthony and attempting to chase after her in hopes of explaining.

Anthony wasn’t going to have it much better though since he was left with Eloise and his mother who both looked like they might kill him.


	12. Secrets

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". This chapter is a little resolution from the last chapter and a secret shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is normally where a Colin POV would likely be but that is coming next chapter for the sake of where the story is headed. We're getting closer to the reunion, y'all. Bear with me.

It took nearly a week for the tensions to calm down after what posthumously was dubbed ‘the night of the burnt dresses’. Anthony for his part had attempted to make things right by purchasing a series of new dresses for Penelope. He knew that he took things a bit too far but he’d only wanted to protect her like he would any of his sisters. At the end of the day, he wouldn’t change a thing about the actions he’d taken.

He wouldn’t come right out and say it but he also felt a bit like he’d done the poor girl a favor. Her mother had clearly been dressing her in poor fitting dresses in the poorest excuse of fabric colors for years. Dressed in decent clothing, it was abundantly clear that had she had her new wardrobe in the last season, things might have played a little differently for her.

He knew better than to put that out into the universe though since he’d barely escaped unscathed from the daily glares, silence and intermittent tongue lashings from the family. 

Benedict hadn’t exactly been forgiven either. Whenever he came into the room, people got up and walked out all together. Eloise and Benedict had hardly went a day since Eloise was born without talking to each other and even she was keeping her distance.

It was enough to drive anyone mad. There was only so long that Benedict could avoid being home by drinking and making art. As much as he needed his outlets, he also did enjoy the comfort of family around him. 

He needed to take action but he didn’t know what to do.

Fortunately for him, he didn’t have to do anything.

He was alone the study when he heard the door open. He was busy working away with a sketch with his charcoals and he didn’t bother to look up. In his mind it was either going to be a servant or someone who would walk right back out.

He was surprised when it wasn’t.

“Benedict,” he heard after a long moment.

He looked up and there was a strange sense of déjà vu that hit him. Just like she’d sought him out before on the swings and things had seemed to be working themselves out, she was there again.

She cleared her throat. There was something quiet, unsure about her voice which reminded him of how she’d always been instead of the confident girl that he’d been watching her grow into.

“Can we speak?” she asked.

“I’ve been trying to speak to a week,” he said knowing there was some edge to his voice and he softened it once he caught himself. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings or deceive you. I was just caught off guard and - I would have told you I didn’t send the dress.”

“This isn’t about the dress,” she told after a moment, lips pursing into a tight line. “I know that none of you would intentionally hurt me. It was my thought for jumping to conclusions and thinking that you were trying to romance me. I’ve never actually had anyone attempt to romance me so I was too blinded by it to think logically and Eloise didn’t help.”

“I didn’t know that you wanted _me_ to romance you,” Benedict said after a long moment raising an eyebrow. It was uncanny really that even now the thought of actually romancing her was foreign, weird. Even after all these weeks, he still thought of her like another sister. If he set his mind to it, he could do this properly. “I mean, I thought that you hadn’t set your mind to accepting my proposal so I was honestly giving you the space you required.”

“I don’t know what I want,” Penelope confessed after a long moment. That didn’t seem an accurate depiction of how she felt though since she knew precisely what she wanted and it was something that she could never have. All the time in the world could pass and she’d still wonder about how differently her life might have been had Colin not been lost at sea. “I won’t begrudge you secrets because I have plenty of my own – I can’t marry someone that I can’t trust and I wouldn’t want that for someone else. You can’t grow to love someone if you can’t trust them.”

It was that point that he realized she was still wearing the ring he’d given her and everything seemed to fall into place. She was actually considering going forward with this after everything. An even bigger alarm went off in his head at the fact she thought she could have some secret so big that he might have a problem with it. He cocked his head gazing at her as if trying to read through it all to figure it out. There was literally nothing there.

“I won’t lie to you any more then,” he said after a long moment. “And while I can’t think of anything more than a white lie that you are burdened by, I suppose you can do the same.”

Penelope visibly winced at that. There was something about the expression on her face that made it clear that she was holding back something big and he was at a loss so he just listened and waited, prepared for her secret to be something absolutely innocent.

“Then I must tell you something now,” she started. “You must promise to never tell anyone.”

“I promise,” he told her. He nodded, anticipating building and a chuckle already threatening at his lips for whatever would come out of her mouth.

“I’m Lady Whistledown,” she confessed.

Confusion flooded his feature and that chuckle did escape though almost waiting for her to laugh as well. Surely, this was a joke! There was absolutely no way.

“Did Eloise put you up to this?”

“No, I’m serious.”

“But – that’s impossible!” he found himself arguing knowing that there was no way that the awkward little wallflower who hung around his little sister was that the proprietor of that wretched gossip column. “There is no way that you’d have nearly ruined yourself and the whole Marina Thompson thing easily could have –“

“Colin,” she said after a long moment as if to justify it. “I couldn’t let Colin go through with it. I tried to talk him out of it and he wasn’t listening so I used the only tool that I had that would stop him. I’d rather be a spinster than someone who lets. I regret the hurt that it caused but I don’t regret – well, I do actually. If I’d not done it, he’d still be here now and you wouldn’t be trying to ruin your life by marrying me.”

That was enough to render his speechless and he rose from where he’d been sitting, pacing for a moment to try and gather his thoughts. His family had been absolutely obsessed with that woman, trying to figure out who she was every time they delighted in what she said or were angered. He didn’t know whether to be upset or proud that Penelope was capable of such a stir.

The truth of the matter was that she’d never said anything that was false (as far as he was aware) about their family or other families. She merely speculated, stated what she observed and candid. He couldn’t hold that against her, especially when more times than not she’d saved them.

The fact that she blamed herself for saving Colin from a loveless marriage built upon a lie hit him like a ton of bricks and the heaviness of it reminded him of the grief that he’d locked down. He wasn’t happy that his brother was gone but he didn’t blame Penelope or anyone else for the death. He could have just as easily blamed Anthony for the fact he’d felt like he needed to see more of the world.

Benedict let out a long breath of air that he didn’t know he’d been holding before crossing the room, decisively taking her hands as if to show that this information didn’t bother her. He wasn’t going to go and tell the Ton this information.

“You’re not the reason he’s dead,” he said after a long minute. She wasn’t quite looking at him though so he reached down to force her to look up at him. “Besides, Colin would be furious if he knew you were blaming yourself for that.”

She was clearly going to dismiss the words but it was essential that he knew as much.

“Well he at least wasn’t furious enough to come back and haunt me,” she said quietly after a minute. She’d honestly begged him to do it and he hadn’t.

“Well you’re just not looking in the right place. He’d haunt the kitchens. Even in death he’d be a bottomless pit,” Benedict added, with a sad, wiry smile. Even if it was painful to talk about him, it did feel nice to have Colin’s name not be avoided.

“I can’t argue that,” she said after a long moment. “Are you really sure though?”

“Yes, I’m sure,” he insisted. “You’re just crazy enough to survive our family. We might as well make it official. I suppose, I could put one condition on it.”

“And what might that condition be?”

“Our first born son,” Benedict said after a long moment pausing to try and make the words feel less weird. “He’d have to be named Colin.”

Something about that touched Penelope to the core and she felt tears forming in her eyes. She wasn’t quite sure how much of that was still grief and how much was the moment. Her words didn’t form for a long moment. 

  
“What if we only have daughters?” she finally asked.

“Colleen clearly,” Benedict added with mirth.

\--

_Beloved Readers it appears that the mourning black of recent days is about to transform to new, exciting shades. It thrills me to announce that the confirmed bachelorette Penelope Featherington will not be forced to spend season as a wallflower._

_As previously reported, she took up residence with the Bridgerton Family some time ago. While there was speculation around the Ton to what this might mean, we can now confirm that from grief new beginnings have formed._

_Benedict Bridgerton, the second eldest son of the family, has allegedly proposed and said proposal has been accepted. The news has brought joy where in recent weeks there has been little positive news to report…_

**LADY WHISTLEDOWN'S SOCIETY PAPERS, 7 OCTOBER 1813**


	13. Heartbreak & High Seas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Colin's trip home is just as filled with "bad" news as his trip away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a shorter chapter but we're the next one will bring everyone back together so... yeah, thing of this as a bridge chapter.

There wasn’t much to pack but he’d managed to find a few things to take home to his family. Colin has never returned from travels without a gift before. He wasn’t about to start now. He was eager to get on the boat this time, unlike the last. It was kind of ironic considering he’d nearly died because of his last journey.

He needed to get back to his family though and he desperately wanted to make things right with Penelope.

In all the weeks of waiting, recovering he’d not once let his mind go to the scenario where they would think him gone. Perhaps it was a lie he told himself to not grow sick with concern for his family but that was how he coped. Not writing them was surely an oversight on his part.

He was eager to see what everyone was doing, how London has changed since he’d been gone. It had been a relatively short period of time in the grand scheme of things but it felt like forever. 

He had no intention of leaving again for the foreseeable future. He just wanted to be with the people he loved and show them as much. He pretty much knew what he was going to do.

He was going to go home and hug his family, tell them how much he had missed them and then he was going to go across the street and find Penelope and not leave until she agreed to be his. 

He would then spend every waking moment of every waking day making sure that she knew just how loved and wanted she was. 

The boat couldn’t possibly get him there quick enough.

\--

“Our timing couldn’t be more perfect,” the physician’s wife who he’d come to know as Marjorie stated over breakfast one day on the ship. 

Colin was too busy planning his return to pay close attention but he idly paid attention just in case a question was asked in his general direction.  
  
“Oh? What is happening, Sweetheart?” her husband asked. 

“Well as it would happen, I ran into a lovely lady who just happened to have gotten a copy of the latest Whistledown at the last port and it appears one of my cousins is getting married,” she said. “I should probably make time to stop in and see them while we’re in London. Could we, Francis?”

“Of course,” the physician said.

The mention of Whistledown caught Colin’s attention. He didn’t particularly care about the day to day commentary on the events happening in the Ton but he knew his family was in it a bit. If he could get his hands on it, he might ascertain some idea of how they were doing.

“Could I read it?” Colin asked.

Marjorie willingly handed it over and his eyes began to scroll through it for any mention of Bridgerton or Featherington.

His mouth opened slightly as he caught his first mention of Featherington. Penelope was being courted. Penelope was going to off the market.

His heart flew up to his throat and he saw the groom and he very nearly choked.

Francis, the physician, was on his feet in a moment prepared to jump into action should it be necessary. Colin waved him off though.

“Are you quite alright?” Marjorie asked, concern clear on her face.

“ _No_ ,” he said. “My brother is marrying Penelope.”

“Your brother is marrying _my_ cousin?”

It seemed to finally catch up to him why her red hair had reminded him so much of Penelope. Of course there would be plenty of distant cousins there. Of all the people in the world for him to randomly come into contact with during this time turning out to be relatives of hers was almost enough to make him laugh.

He couldn’t begin to laugh in this moment. He was as sober as a church mouse and horrified at the thought that he could be so close to home and his brother could be the reason she was laughing, smiling and he’d eventually get to touch her. He could _already_ be touching her.

Colin had plenty of scuffles with his brothers through the years but he’d never quite wanted to give Benedict a black eye more in his life. He turned red with rage. His body practically vibrating with anger that wouldn’t get him anywhere.

“He can’t marry her,” he said after a long moment.

“Oh this is the infamous _Pen_ ,” Francis said after a long moment, putting two and two together. “It’s a small world.”

“They’re not married yet,” Marjorie said after a long moment.

He’s sent her a dress and he could almost picture her wearing it as she promised to obey his brother and it was more than he could bear. His chest tightened as he couldn’t stop the flood of thoughts that came to his mind.

“But what if _she_ loves _him_?” Colin couldn’t help but ask. He was pretty sure that he was going to throw up even suggesting the idea that Penelope and his brother could desire each other in that way. It wasn’t so much his brother, so much as it was anyone who wasn’t himself. 

Then there was a whole other situation that he wasn’t sure he could handle. He was increasingly aware of how he felt but what if he wasn’t the only Bridgerton who had taken notice of her. What if he’d been so distracted with his own life that he didn’t even see that there was something forming between the two of them. What if that was what Penelope had been trying to tell him that night. “What if _he_ loves _her_?” he found himself asking, voice cracking.

“And what if you waste precious moments worrying about that when you should be more worried about making it there before they follow through with it,” Majorie told him. 

“My wife is never wrong. It’s not over until it’s over,” Francis added with a nod and a hand to Colin’s shoulder to offer comfort. “We’ll make land in three days.”

_\--_

The longest three days of his life was the understatement of the century. He left his belongings behind with Francis and Marjorie as soon as they made shore though, finding a horse and he took off riding with little concern for the fact he wasn’t appropriately dressed for the weather.

It was snowing and everything was white. The wind only served to make it all the more cold but he didn’t feel it.

He just knew that he needed to make it home.

As he approached their familiar home, he barely waited for the horse to stop before jumping off and he took off running. He barreled in without knocking. He practically took the door off the hinges.

The footman stood at the other side and he seemed moments away from reaching for a weapon to defend the home. His face switched over when he took in the intruder though.  
  
“Mister Bridgerton!” he said in shock.

“Where are they?”

“ _The church_ ,” the footman told him.

Colin didn’t wait to ask for further details before he took off again.

The footman was behind him in a start, insisting that he might need to get cleaned up.

Time was of the essence though.


	14. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Chapter 14 brings us closer to the conclusion with the reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is at least 1-2 more chapters of this to go but... hope this is a good start to our reunion.

It had come to pass that Portia Featherington hadn’t been wrong about everything. Penelope couldn’t help but begrudgingly give her mother some credit as she paced the small room she was waiting in for her wedding: the books had ruined her.

Everything that she knew about life and love came from the pages of the damn things. Even if she had always had her doubts whether she would actually get married, the small bit of her that held up hope had this foolish fantasy of what it was supposed to be.

When she’d pictured this day, Colin had always been her romantic lead. It had been that way even before she was old enough to fully understand her feelings. It felt a little bittersweet that he couldn’t at least be part of it. 

If he couldn’t be her husband, she would have at least felt better having him there as her friend. Knowing that he fully endorsed her choice would have been important. All she could do now was assume that he would have be happy to see her well-matched with his brother.

She was still anxious about it, as fond as she had become of Benedict in recent weeks. She’d felt as if they’d made progress in transitioning from whatever they had been to what they were going to be. It was all tentative, a bit weird but it was no longer awkward to converse at length or hold hands.

They were both _trying._

There was a lot more that would come after the wedding and that was what she was terrified of. Violet in her infinite wisdom had attempted to have an adult conversation with her about wifely duties when her own mother neglected to call on her for such a thing. Then Daphne had made an appearance and attempted her own conversation.

She wasn’t quite sure if she was supposed to be excited at the prospect of her wedding night or terrified. 

Either way it went, she knew that there was no r _eal_ pressure to do something that she didn’t feel comfortable with. Benedict might not have approached the subject but she knew he wasn’t the sort to demand anything.

They were going to do something _different_ and it might take her time but she was going to be happy.

She just had to work past her nerves first.

She was mid-stride through her forty or fiftieth spin around the room when the door opened and in strode her mother. 

Penelope had invited her (and her sisters) to the wedding. They were her family even if things had dysfunctional at times. That didn’t necessarily mean that she wanted to open herself to feedback or criticism for her choices or the timeline of them.

She also wasn’t quite sure her nerves could handle a third conversation about her duties as wife. 

“Mother,” she said with a polite nod and bow.

Her mother seemed to stand there for a long moment, looking her over as if appraising the situation.

“This dress will do,” she said after a long moment.

Penelope’s dress was one of the new ones that had been purchased in recent weeks. It wasn’t white but it was a pale blue and had white lace over it. It wasn’t as extravagant as the dress she might have worn if it hadn’t burnt but she was pretty content with it. She’d even added little blue flowers to her red curls.

“I appreciate your approval,” Penelope offered after a moment, deciding that she should just be grateful that they decided to show and actively be a part of this. “You should probably find your seat. _Anthony_ will be presenting me.”

It was a bit of a slap in the face. If her father had been alive, he would have been the one to do such a thing. He was long gone and Penelope hadn’t considered herself a member of her mother’s household since she’d left it. Anthony, as misguided and overprotective as he could be at times, was the only person deserving of such an honor.

Portia might have wished to object but she closed her mouth as soon as it opened. Instead she decided to proceed with her original mission for coming. 

“I won’t trouble you for long,” she told before snapping her fingers and a servant came with a box. She opened it and inside was a beautiful, ornate veil. “This is a family heirloom of sorts. I’d thought to give it to one of your sisters but your father insisted it be put aside for you.”

Penelope could gloss over all the negative undertones to just see the fact that it was actually quite remarkable. She’d honestly not planned to wear a veil at all but it looked as if it belonged with the dress. Her mother would have sold it if she’d had the inkling. The fact that she was there at all with it said that somewhere she did actually care about her.

It was enough.

She turned to allow her mother to help her pin it properly in her red curls, a light smile playing on her features.

“Thank you for this,” she told her quietly.

\--

Benedict was grateful for his mother because Violet had this strange way of making things always come together, even when there was a limited amount of time to do it. Weddings were relatively simple affairs in the great scheme of things. In a family like theirs, it was harder logistically to get everyone around.

As he gazed around the church, he was glad to have all of them. Violet was sitting up front with Gregory and Hyacinth on opposite sides. Eloise was to the right of Hyacinth which brought a smile to his face because she’d joked that she might sit on the other side of the aisle. Francesca was behind them with the Duke and a visibly pregnant Daphne. The only other people were those on the other side – Penelope’s mother and siblings. 

The whole situation felt surreal to him. There was literally no scenario where he could imagine wedding Penelope Featherington before recent months. He had always felt like he’d known her but he hadn’t known her at all. He felt as if by getting to know her better, he’d seen her potential. 

He could even imagine being happy which was more than he ever thought he could say about most of the other potential matches he could have had in the Ton. It was going to take them time but he _liked_ where they were. There was no rush to become something that they weren’t. 

He would be patient and a good husband to her.

He didn’t get married every day though so he did feel a little nervous about the whole situation. He’d definitely had to ease his nerves with a drink beforehand.

As he caught sight of Anthony at the entrance, making a gesture that things were to begin it all begin to set in. 

Everyone sat quietly but they all sort of blurred out of space when he saw Penelope move into the entrance with him. He’d never quite had such a visceral reaction to her before but she really was vision. 

She seemed nervous so he offered her a smile and she returned it as she approached on Anthony’s arm.

They were both shaking by the time her hand was in his and the clergyman began to speak.

\--

The doors crashed open with a thud making such a disturbance that there was no way to ignore it.

Every single head turned including that of the bride and groom.

Colin Bridgerton was a dusty mess of a man but out of the darkness of the hallway, he appeared to the audible sound of gasps.

Everyone was so focused on his appearance that it was only Benedict and Colin who felt Penelope go limp. The shock had caused a fainting spell and it was any wonder that Benedict caught her. Colin couldn’t quite get to her at the moment.

“ _Colin!_ ” Violet Bridgerton practically screamed, moving from her seat toward her wayward son. She didn’t stop until her arms were around him. He hugged his mother for a moment, shaking off his own disbelief at everything that was happening.

Concern washed over him at what was going on before him. He couldn’t properly even focus on the words that were coming at him from family members as they touched him and made sure that he wasn’t some apparition.

“Mother, I – _please_ , I need to-“ he tried to explain, to get out of her grasp and direction the attention to the person maybe needed a little more attention at the moment.

For her credit, she did let him go long enough for her gaze to realize Penelope was still out cold. The fact her child was back from the dead was temporarily forgotten as the need to care for the problem at hand send her moving with him up toward the front pew, where Benedict has maneuvered the unconscious girl with a little help from Portia Featherington.

Her blue eyes began to flicker back open after a long, quiet moment. She came back to life in a minute, fully prepared to fight. Her body upright, terror on her face.

“I’m dead,” she said after a long moment when she caught sight of Colin and his concerned eyes. “I’m _clearly_ dead because _you_ are dead.”

If he hadn’t been so worried about her, he might have laughed. Instead Colin reached for her wrist, dipping enough for her hand to his chest so she might see that he wasn’t dead.

“I promise you that I’m here,” he told her, eyes finding hers. “I’m alive. I’m here and I’m never leaving again.”

There was clearly a lot that needed to be said. More than just to her but in that moment it was just nice to see her face, to know she was okay even if she’d gone from fainting to crying.

He didn’t quite know if what he wanted to do was appropriate at the moment. Whatever business he had with Benedict could wait, for now the urge for violence was low.

“…I wouldn’t miss your wedding,” he said after a long moment, trying to lighten the mood to make her stop crying. “I just had to be my dramatic flare to things.”  
  


“ _Wedding_?” she asked. Oh God, she’d completely forgotten she’d been in the middle of her own wedding. She shot an apologetic look to Benedict, biting her lip. Colin’s hand was still over her own and she didn’t want to let go of it but she wasn’t sure what was okay anymore. “I just can’t believe you’re actually here. I should have never encouraged you to go. I should have stopped you.”

“It’s _okay_ ,” Benedict said, giving her a quiet nod as if reading her thoughts. He turned to the clergyman and politely explained that there wouldn’t be need for his services after all. The wedding wouldn’t be happening today – _if ever_. As he completely made way for Colin to take back his place in life, Penelope couldn’t help but feel a little sad to lose something she didn’t really know that she wanted.

Whatever she felt about that didn’t lessen how she felt about the fact that Colin was home. He was real and he was there with her. The fact he was touching her and looking at her like that. 

“You were only trying to encourage me to do what you thought I needed to be happy,” he told her with a nod. “I _maybe_ could have done a better job communicating after I left.”

It was Daphne who interjected this time, socking him hard in the arm. Simon didn’t even try and stop her.

“You could have communicated with your family that you weren’t dead,” Daphne told him. “We’ve already replaced you with Penelope. We thought giving her your bedroom would be in bad taste though.”

“I don’t know that sorry is going to cut it. I was sort of out of commission for a lot of it – it’s a long story,” he tried to explain. “I am sorry though. Very sorry and – I don’t want to know how I’m going to make it up to all of you.”

Apparently something that had been said triggered something in Penelope because her response was to start looking around, “ANTHONY?” she practically screamed.

Anthony came darting at his name though based on the tone, he wasn’t sure that he wanted to be there.

“Colin sent the dress not some … scorned lover of Benedicts trying to kill me,” she said after a moment.

“Wait, what?” Colin couldn’t help but ask.

“He burnt the dress and everything else in my wardrobe,” Penelope informed Colin.

Colin’s murderous side turned on Anthony. If they hadn’t been in a church, there would have been blood.

“I was trying to protect her,” Anthony said in his defense.

Penelope apparently caught onto the fact, Colin’s ability to keep cool with fleeting because she felt her hand tighten in his and it did calm him down just a little bit.

“It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever owned,” she told him honestly, kindly. “Can you please never have someone send a vague note with no signature again?”

“I promise,” he said after a long moment. “And I’ll buy you whatever your heart desires then keep it far, far away from my idiot brothers.”

Penelope smiled at that.

There was honestly so much to say and it was going to take time.

She definitely couldn’t talk as openly as she might wish with half the family still waiting on their opportunity to chat with the recently returned. 

They exchanged an extended gaze that didn’t make giving them that space any easier.

An exaggerated, pained sound coming from Daphne was enough to pull them from their moment. She was too early in her pregnancy to be making any sounds like that but all the excitement couldn’t possibly have been good for her.  
  


“Go be there for your sister,” she said after a long moment.

“We’ll take more later?” Colin asked.

She nodded and that was all he needed to run off to assist the Duke and everyone else in getting Daphne’s needs met.


	15. Beguile & Bedevil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Colin and Benedict talk and then he goes to speak with Penelope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little more to make Monday a little more Polin and a little less blah.

It hadn’t been too much trouble getting Daphne into the carriage and to her London home with the Duke. The majority of the family returned back but the men had forged ahead with the Duke to help get her inside and to ensure that a physician could come tend to her. It turned out that the baby wasn’t _actually_ trying to make an early arrival. It was just sort of false labor.

As many children had been born to their mother, Colin still found himself painfully ignorant when it came to the majority of it. He was grateful that Simon wasn’t going to be attempting to murder him for bringing harm to Daphne and the child.

It was dark by the time they got to leave. 

As eager as he was to get home, clean up and change clothes before finding Penelope there was someone else he needed to speak with. He was most grateful to the fact Anthony had decided to stay behind a little longer with their mother so that he could be alone with Benedict.

The silence between them was strange.

He couldn’t recall a moment in his life where things had been estranged with anyone in his family. He didn’t think that Benedict was mad at him but he definitely wasn’t acting _excited_ to see him.

There was only one way to forge ahead and that was by addressing the elephant in the room.

“I’m sorry for… ruining your wedding,” Colin said after a long moment.

“It’s for the best,” Benedict said after a long moment. He didn’t look at him though and his jaw tensed in a way that didn’t convince Colin that he was happy about it. 

“Listen if you-“ Colin started to say knowing that family would always come before all else and if his brother was in love with Penelope, he would make himself scarce. He would move aside as painful as it might be. 

Benedict cut him off at that though.

“It was Anthony’s idea after he remembered your letter,” he said after a long moment. “We just wanted to protect her and that felt like the best course of action. She loves you. You know that, right?”

Colin wasn’t completely sold that Benedict was giving him the full truth there. It was a bit too dismissive but it was hard to think to properly investigate when he was hearing precisely what he’d wanted to hear longer than he knew he wanted to hear it. 

“And I love her,” he said confessed after a moment. “You’re my brother though and I don’t want to get in the way of something good for you either. I wouldn’t intentionally harm you even if I kind of did want to punch you for a solid minute.”

“We were going to name our first born Colin,” Benedict told him after a long moment. “I had started looking for a property for us to build a proper home that would be ours. I’ve been weirdly sketching her a lot of late. There’s a lot more to her than meets the eye.”

Colin was both touched and a bit caught off guard to hear Benedict speak of her in that way. His worst nightmares had all involved coming back and finding out that there was something _real_ between his brother and her. 

“She’s always been pretty special,” Colin said after a moment. “I mean, it took me a while to figure that out and … I’m grateful that you would have really taken care of her.”

“She’d never forgive me if I got in the way,” Benedict added. “Don’t tell her that I told you this but Eloise told me that she caught her trying to harm herself after we heard about the boat and we thought you were…” 

His voice trailed off but Colin had the full picture there. He felt sick thinking about the pain he’d inflicted toward everyone even if most of it was accidental. He couldn’t change any of it now. Al he could do was forge ahead.

“If she’d hurt herself, I would never have forgiven myself,” he said earnestly. “I assure you that I won’t hurt her again though.”

That earned a glance from Benedict as they moved toward the house.

“Good because the next time you do, you won’t come back from the dead,” Benedict said. There was no smile to his face to indicate that it was a joke and Colin was quite clear that it was the truth.

\--

Colin was half way up the stairs, taking two at a time. He actually found himself humming a song as he bounded, not even pausing as he moved through the hallway with practice skill knowing where the best guest room was, having no doubt that he could finally steal Penelope to talk.

There were other things on his mind but _talk_ would have to suffice for the time being. After months of being without any of the people he cared for, he was certain that just being able to look at her face and hear her voice would be enough.

The door was shut but he doubted she was asleep. He knocked nevertheless, practically unable to keep still as he waited for her to come to the door.

Whatever his reaction had been to her in what was supposed to be her wedding dress to Benedict was eclipsed by the way his throat went dry and his eyes widened slightly when she answered the door in a state of undress that meant she might have thought their talk wouldn’t come to the next day.

She was wearing a shift that was practically transparent. It was clearly new and meant to grab attention. Perhaps it had been meant to be worn for her honeymoon and hadn’t saw fit for it to go to waste. He could hardly stop himself from looking even if he knew it was nowhere near appropriate. 

“Colin,” she practically squeaked, grabbing for her robe to tighten it over her that was a little less transparent. “I thought you were still at Hastings House.”

Every inch of invisible skin turned as red as her hair. It was completely unpinned and loose at the moment and he definitely hadn’t seen her like this before. Colin felt almost dumb as he shook his head no. He had to find his tongue and quickly. He clenched his fists to keep himself in check.

“It was a false alarm. Daphne has to take it easy but she’s going to be fine,” he managed after a long moment, lingering in the door frame.

“That’s honestly marvelous to hear,” Penelope told him. 

She bit her lip, completely subdued by her own nervousness. She’d always been a bit nervous when he was near and that definitely hadn’t changed. She also wasn’t sure what was going on in that head of his. The clenched fists indicated anger but his voice didn’t.

There was a long stretch of silence that followed before whatever self-control Colin had been holding onto evaporated and he moved past the threshold, shutting the door behind him with a decisive action. 

Penelope was so stunned by it that she opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing but she didn’t get a single word out before the gap between them was closed-in and he had leaned down, pressing a needy kiss to her mouth. 

She didn’t properly even think about how utterly inappropriate it all was, instead leaning up and into him as she returned it.

A strangled moan escaped Colin against her mouth. He’d tried to keep his thoughts of her pure but God help him that whatever desire he had to be a gentleman until he could properly court her, make her his wife went out the window the minute she kissed him back. Maybe they could talk about everything _later_.

He reached a long arm backwards, aiming to latch the door knowing full well that even if he had every intention of wedding her, his mother would literally have his head for this if she or one of his siblings were to accidentally catch him with her. 

His other arm looped around her and as soon as he was certain that it he’d succeeded at the lock, the other joined it a hand curling around the curve of her backside to pull her closer.

“ _Forgive me_ ,” he murmured against her lips. 

It was Penelope who properly broke the kiss, teasing him with a little nip that took him by surprise. She took a step back, eyes watching his.

“On one condition,” she said after a long moment, fingers moving up to toy with the robe she’d shielded her gown with before. She teased him for a long moment before pushing it to the floor.

Colin was prepared to give her anything she wanted. If she was trying to get him to leave though, she was definitely moving in the wrong direction. If she kept playing with him like that, he’d do far worse than look at her. 

“ _Anything_ ,” he told her. “I know that I’m not worthy.”

That at least earned him another peck. He took another step forward, trying to grab at her again but she pushed away his hands lightly.

“You can have me and you can _have_ me,” she told him with a grin, her voice light and teasing. “But you’ve got to properly court me first.”

“Pen,” he pouted. He had made a promise though and he did fully intend to romance her. He wanted her to have anything she desired but at the moment, he had more pressing needs. If there was ever a time for his charm to be effective, he hoped it now. “Does that mean I can’t steal any more kisses?”

She laughed.

“Perhaps a few more would be appropriate.”

He was going to push his luck.


	16. Appalling Behavior

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". Another installment, complete with a breakfast that isn't as planned and a very angry mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to end this chapters ago but it keeps coming. LOL.

Violet Bridgerton wasn’t _thrilled_. She’d spent half the evening awake doting on Daphne but still took the time to ensure she was home and up in time for breakfast. She’d made sure that the staff knew to cook extra. Celebrating her third son’s return home was of the utmost importance to her. She thought there was no better way than ensuring they made up for lost time by having his favorite things to eat. He was noticeably absent from the table though, long after his other siblings started to fill in their seats.

He wasn’t the only one absent though. 

Benedict had at least had the decency to catch her in passing, making up some story about business at Aubrey Hall that he needed to attend to on behalf of Anthony. 

Then there was the noticeable absence of Penelope. She could only assume that the previous day’s events had been a bit much for the poor girl. She wouldn’t begrudge her needing a little privacy to digest it all. 

Anthony, Eloise and Francesca were making idle conversation. Hyacinth and Gregory were arguing who was going to get to eat Colin’s food if he didn’t come down.

It was so unlike Colin to be late for a meal though. 

“Perhaps, you should go look for him,” she started to suggest to her eldest. “I sent a maid earlier and they said he hadn’t slept in his bed.”

Anthony tried desperately to not smirk at that information. He clearly wasn’t concerned.

“I’m sure that he’s –“

He wanted to say _fine_. He easily could have made some excuse up for him about probably just falling asleep elsewhere. There was no point in lying though, especially as the guilty party started approaching the table.

Colin’s hair was in disarray and while he was dressed, he was a bit messy. Anthony knew that look well because he’d somehow gotten away with it many a time in his earlier rake days. Colin was certainly going to have to work on his subtly lest their mother see past it.

“So nice of you to join us,” Anthony teased. “You look like you tossed and turned all night.”

Colin might have had a smile on his face that not even sibling mockery could kill but that didn’t mean he didn’t kick Anthony hard as he took his seat.

“Why yes, it was quite a _hard_ night.”

Anthony raised an eyebrow at that.

Violet looked at her boys skeptically but was prepared to let it slide. Perhaps it had been because she’s thought she’d lost Colin or perhaps it was because she was getting soft with age but she didn’t really care to try to get overly involved when it came to some things.

Ignorance really was bliss at times.

“You really should eat up,” she told him. “After a hardy meal, maybe you’ll be able to properly catch up on your rest.”

Of course, whatever ignorance she wanted to have about what was happening in her own household was a bit harder when almost on cue just a few moments after her son, Penelope entered the room.

She was certainly dressed but there was no amount of fabric or cosmetics that were going to hide the purple-pink marks across the expanse of her throat. It was such a ghastly display that even Violet had to gasp.

Eloise’s eyes widened as Penelope took the empty seat next to her. She gave her an extended look before giving Colin an accusatory look across the table.

“What happened to your neck?” Hyacinth asked with zero filter and all the purity that made it clear that she absolutely didn’t grasp why no one else was asking about it.

“ _Hyacinth_ ,” Violet said trying to get her child to have some manners.

Even as Colin looked guilty and Penelope reddened, Anthony couldn’t help but let out a boisterous laugh at the whole thing. Sure, he probably should have been making a fuss about honor but watching Colin squirm was his idea of fun. 

“Colin, do you know anything about what happened to Penelope?” he tried to keep a straight face as he asked. “Her neck was just fine yesterday and now it looks like she’s been attacked.”

“Enough!” Violet said. “I’ve raised you all better than this. Your father would be appalled at all of you.”

If Penelope could have melted away into the wood of the table and disappeared she certainly would have. 

Especially when Violet dismissed the younger Bridgertons from the table, ordering them to finish their meal elsewhere, as well as, Eloise and Francesca who were far too delicate to hear.

“Would you like to explain what you were thinking?” Violet said, the meal completely forgotten now that she was complete and utter mother mode.

“Yeah, Colin, what were _you_ thinking?” Anthony mirrored, putting a hand on his hips, feigning discipline when the look on his face made him look more like a mischievous scamp.

“You be quiet, this is your fault. Maybe if you actually focused more on finding a match and less on your own desires, your brother wouldn’t think this is acceptable behavior. No wonder Benedict was in such a hurry to leave this morning.

“I have Benedict’s permission,” Colin said after a long moment. “And it’s not like I … took _all_ the liberties, even if I wanted to.”

Anthony shook his head. Nope. That wasn’t the right answer if he wasn’t trying to get castrated by their mother.

“Colin!” Violet’s face couldn’t have been more shocked and appalled. “You get none of the liberties. Not until you’ve married her and she was just engaged to your brother yesterday and I know that it’s – _complicated_ but there is no excuse for this behavior. You can’t just come back and do whatever you want.”

“Have you looked at Penelope lately?” 

“Yes but –“

“Well… sorry, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“You need to get a grip on your impulses or you’ll wish you’d have drowned,” Violet told him sternly. “Just because the Ton doesn’t see what happens in here the servants talk and all it takes it one person saying something and it gets to Lady Whistledown. You’ll ruin the poor girl. You can’t just do whatever you want.”

“I wanted it too,” Penelope said tentatively.

Violet’s head spun from where she’d been going in on Colin and looked at the other girl appraisingly.

“I love you like a daughter and I pray that one day you’ll give me grandchildren but I swear to God if my son doesn’t keep his hands and mouth to himself until the day Bridgerton replaces Featherington, he won’t be able to use the _thing_ he was clearly thinking with,” Violet said, trying to keep her voice level.

She had no doubt that her other children were trying desperately to listen to the conversation through the door.

“You’re the one who bought her that –“ Colin tried to argue though he knew that his mother certainly wasn’t going to just accept them doing whatever they wanted under her roof.

She clearly wasn’t hearing it.

“Anthony, you created this problem. You fix it,” Violet said throwing up her hands, completely abandoning her the half-eaten breakfast. She’d lost her appetite for what was left.

As she stormed out the door, Colin couldn’t resist grabbing a sausage and stuffing it into his mouth. 

\--

“So let me get this straight, you didn’t _defile_ her?” Anthony asked with amusement over his glass of whisky. It was still far too early for this but there were certain occasions when it was appropriate to start drinking after breakfast. Your little brother getting absolutely reamed by your mother for corrupting the houseguest was one of those special occasions.

“There was some stuff but no, she wouldn’t let me,” Colin said choosing to be decisively discreet and selective about what information he shared. There had certainly been some kissing, some touching but Penelope had kept him in check. After a while, he’d just taken to laying there with her and telling her every little detail since he’d left and then she’d done the same. They’d stayed up talking until the sun began to rise and only a few hours of sleep.

“If mother asks I told you to start behaving yourself,” Anthony said after a long moment. “But in reality, I’m going to tell you to at least have the decency to do it outside of this house. It’s much harder to hide it when you’re doing it here. You also have to work on your technique. She can leave marks on you but you can’t leave marks on her, it’ll give you away every time. If you’re not able to get them to cave, you’re not doing something right.”

“Rookie mistake. I’m not quite on your level of rake,” Colin said with a shrug. “Plus, I do want to make things right with her. I promised Benedict that I would. I’d ask for your advice but … I didn’t hear any complaints.”

“Of course, you didn’t,” Anthony said with a laugh. “You’re a Bridgerton. You won’t have epic returns from the dead as a card to play though. If you hadn’t, you’d have gotten it a million times worse from mother. Speaking of which, next time can you write so that we don’t end up in this situation. Benedict doesn’t usually ask for me to lie for him when he needs to escape.”

“He just needs time,” Colin said with a shrug. “I won’t pretend to understand how he’s feeling but I did give him the opportunity to stop me. I don’t know if he’d told me that he still wanted to marry her, I wouldn’t have still tried to stop it though.”

“Well don’t mess it up,” Anthony said after a minute. “We happen to all _actually_ like her. The next time I put money into a wedding, it better happen.”

“It will.”


	17. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". In this chapter, we have flowers and best friend conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go for another round.

_If you were distressed at the prospect of Benedict Bridgerton being removed from eligibility, this writer is here to inform you that you have not missed your opportunity._

_The wedding to one Miss Featherington came to a shocking halt when the third eldest Bridgerton showed up. While one expects family for these special moments, one hardly expects them to return from the grave._

_It has been reported that the returned Bridgerton only had eyes for his brother’s to-be bride._

_While this writer cannot dare claim to know all, it would seem that the wedding has been called off as the day following the scheduled nuptials the groom departed for the countryside alone._

_If that was not enough of a scandal, we’re hearing reports of a shockingly large floral order delivered to the Bridgerton home…_

**LADY WHISTLEDOWN'S SOCIETY PAPERS, 20 OCTOBER 1813**

\--

Ever since the wrath of Violet Bridgerton had come down on Colin (and her), Penelope had tried to stay on the straight and narrow. As much as she might have wanted to steal a little more time with Colin, she didn’t want to risk being kicked out.

As much as she didn’t want to return home, she didn’t know if she’d be welcome. If she returned back to her mother’s home, she would have had to have explained everything and it was complicated at best.

The easiest way to verbalize what was going on was through Lady Whistledown. She’d gotten half of it complete before she knew she needed to show her face to the family.

She was surprised as she entered the drawing room and found herself in a sea of flowers. There were so many flowers it was almost an embarrassment of riches.

“You’re going to have to keep your courtship short unless you want to break the bank of Bridgerton,” Anthony teased from the corner at the sight of her. 

“I didn’t expect him to buy out the shop,” Penelope said admiring the flowers that were meant for her. 

It was as if Colin knew precisely where she was going to be and when she was going to be there because he wasn’t far behind, smirking from the door frame.

“I have time to make up for,” he informed her simply. “And if I can’t do that in _other_ ways, the flowers will have to be adequate.”

“He will be sticking to the flowers for now,” Violet said from where she was working on her needlework. “He has younger siblings to set an example for.”

Penelope nodded knowing that to be true. She knew that Violet was a loving and progressive mother but even she had to have her limitations on things. A lot of men in the world would take what they wanted with little thought to what comes next.

There was little question of where they were going with this though. She didn’t want to put a timeframe on it or force Colin into any corners. She couldn’t see a future where they weren’t married and enjoying their honeymoon by spring.

She maneuvered to an empty sofa taking a seat where she knew there was enough space for Colin to join her, smiling when he did. If they had to behave, they could at least hold hands. Her smaller hand found his, lacing their fingers.

“You’re more than adequate,” she told him with a small smile.

Eloise made a face from where she was sitting nearby. She clearly wasn’t enjoying the display all that much.

“I love you both but please kill me if I ever start to like you,” she murmured, acting as if the whole falling in love was beneath her. 

“I’d be _happy_ to kill you,” Colin said though Penelope swatted at him in such a way that made it clear that wasn’t the correct way to respond.

“What he meant to say is we won’t do such a thing,” Penelope told her friend with a smile. “I personally appreciate you not being _weird_ about this.”

“That would require she was ever not weird to begin with,” Anthony couldn’t help but remark from where he was sitting.

Eloise glared at Anthony for a fraction of a second before nodding.

“I’m happy if you’re happy,” she said opting to not bite back at Anthony. “It doesn’t matter which of my idiot brothers you end up marry, I’ll still get another sister out of the deal. I was kind of looking forward to you marrying Benedict though since I’d have an excuse to tag along on the honeymoon so you weren’t bored senseless.”

“ _Eloise_ ,” Violet said as if to say that maybe it wasn’t polite to discuss the almost marriage.

It was still a little bit too fresh and the fact that Benedict wasn’t there made it a little weirder. Colin couldn’t help but feel a little spike of jealousy at the thought of it and Penelope still felt a touch guilty. 

“Well I’m sorry to disappoint you when I say that when I do propose to Penelope and we eventually partake of a honeymoon, your services won’t be needed,” Colin said after a long moment. It wasn’t an if but a when.

“Clearly since you couldn’t even properly wait for one,” Eloise retorted. 

The only reason he wasn’t demanding a special license to marry her now was because he wanted to respect Penelope’s wishes. He’d wait as long as she required but he was admittedly impatient for all that commitment would entail. He rolled his eyes at his sister.

“ _Eloise_ ,” Violet said more persistently, demanding an end to the squabble at once.

It was Penelope who gave Colin a reassuring squeeze to his hand in an effort to keep him from firing back. She let go of it, climbing to her feet gaze moving toward her best friend. Clearly there were a few things that she needed to set straight before the squabble became something bigger.

“Eloise, why don’t we go for a promenade?” she suggested. Eloise was normally the one who pulled her away or dragged her where she wanted her to go but this time it was Penelope who grabbed her arm and practically dragged her from the drawing room.

Colin’s eyes followed them for a second before he gazed to his mother who had focused back on her needlework and then to Anthony.

“Should I be concerned?” he asked after a long moment.

“No,” Anthony told him with a laugh. “I think your Lady is about to put our little sister in her place and it’s about time. I doubt there will blood. They tend to handle things in a far more civilized manner than us men.”

“God, I hope so,” Colin said with a chuckle.

\--

Eloise was used to being the bossy one. She’d always had a strong personality and there were times when she didn’t quite realize that what she was saying or doing might not be in line with what those closest to her wanted. 

There were certainly moments through the years where she’d overlooked things, just like she’d overlooked Penelope’s crush on Colin until they’d thought Colin was dead. 

She liked to think that she _knew_ her best friend well enough to make speak freely. She wouldn’t dream of judging Penelope for anything. If there was something to blame someone on, it was always going to be the other party. In this case, it was Colin.

Penelope had heard enough though and while she didn’t particularly care to get into in front of Violet or anyone else in the household she could no longer hold back her tongue.

“I need you to stop,” Penelope said after a long minute as if she’d been trying to figure out the right words to express how she felt.

“Stop walking?” Eloise asked, clearly not even aware that she’d managed to say anything that could offend or upset her best friend.

“No, I mean blaming Colin,” Penelope told her.

“You’re a _Lady_ and he took advantage of you,” Eloise said simply. “You were overwhelmed by his return and he –“

Penelope cut her off there. She wasn’t going to stand for it.

“I was in complete control of the situation,” Penelope told her. “He never once did anything that I didn’t actively encourage.”

“But he’s –“

“No, just listen to me,” Penelope persisted. “You won’t understand but I want you to - your mother and Daphne fully explained the things that go on behind closed doors once one is married – well, more Daph than your mother but bless her - she tried. I didn’t quite understand until Colin kissed me but I wanted him to keep kissing me.”

“You _really_ don’t have to –“ Eloise managed not sure she needed to know the gory details of the affair.

“Colin was a gentleman,” she insisted. “I mean, if he’d wanted to ravage me, he easily could have but when I said stop, he did. He doesn’t deserve all the blame in this. You’re very special to me but I don’t need you to protect me from him or this.”

“I just don’t want to see you hurt,” Eloise said after a long moment. “I don’t think he would ever intentionally hurt you but what if you don’t stop him next time or can’t? – Or what if he decides to travel again and leave you behind? – I don’t want to lose my best friend.”

“First off, your mother would kill us and it would be a mute point,” Penelope said honestly. She reached for her Eloise’s hands, giving them a squeeze. “Secondly, you’re always going to be my best friend.”

Eloise nodded at that, accepting that answer.

There was a long pause and a turn to continue their stroll.

“Then you won’t be upset with me if I leave you to navigate this alone for a few weeks?” Eloise asked after a long moment.

“Why?” Penelope asked curiously.

“You clearly don’t need me right now but Benedict does,” Eloise said honestly.

Concern flooded Penelope’s features at mention of Benedict needing help. She hadn’t honestly let herself think of what he might be out there doing, mostly because she didn’t want to be in a constant state of guilt. The rational part of her knew it was ludicrous since Benedict had only proposed, promised to take care of her because of Colin but when she put herself into his shoes, she didn’t know if she’d have liked being dropped.

“Is something wrong with him?” she asked.

“No,” Eloise said after a moment, trying to stop whatever guilt Penelope might be feeling. She didn’t see a need for it. “He’s going to be fine. He’s just in a mood.”

“I wish he would have talked to me before he ran off,” Penelope said after a long moment. She would have liked to have thanked him for looking after her. Maybe they weren’t going to be married but that didn’t mean she didn’t want to be his friend. “Tell him to not stay away for too long.”

“The male ego is fragile,” Eloise said with a shrug. “I’ll do the best that I can – Just don’t be pregnant when I come back.”


	18. Getaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". // Colin & Penelope sneak away for some one on one time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long work week already but ... here have this to get through the hump.

There was an art to speaking without speaking, making little non-verbal cues that could just telepathically be read and it was actually terrifying how good they’d gotten at transmitting them to each other without suspicion. It made it easier that the house was less crowded. The children didn’t think anything of it and Anthony tended to mind their own business. Without Francesca, Benedict and Eloise it was almost too easy to get away with things. 

“I’m going to go join Anthony for a match,” Colin announced from where he’d been sitting. He gave an intentionally long stretch, eyes finding Penelope’s for only a fleeting moment. 

“Don’t stay out too late,” Penelope told him, keeping her face impassable just in case his mother was watching. It felt a bit deceitful at times, especially after how kind Violet had been to her but there were some moments that required discretion.

Colin moved over, grabbed her hand and bowed to press a kiss to it. There was something almost maniacal about how good he was at these deceptions. Penelope, however, always felt a bit of anxiety like she was pulling off some sort of great feat, especially when she was the one who had to linger.

“I’ll be bothering you before you have a chance to miss me,” he told her before exiting the room.

She watched him depart before forcing her attention back to reading “Coelebs in Search of a Wife”. She could hardly focus on the pages though having the book to hold on did help keep her hands steady. She couldn’t go giving away the ruse.

She focused instead on counting the minutes, waiting until it would be safe to excuse herself from the room and slip away. 

Only when an adequate amount of time had passed did she rise to her feet. She bit her bottom lip for a fraction of a second before she decided articulate her excuse for departure.

“It’s still early,” she said quietly. “I believe that I might take a bit of a stroll. Perhaps visit my mother.”

“That would be lovely,” Violet told her, looking up from her sewing. “Do give my regards.”

“Of course,” Penelope said with a smile, feeling the rush of getting away with it as she made her way out of the room.

\--

This new game of sneaking away was a bit of a rush but it was a nice way to get private time away from his family and the rules that they had to follow while under his mother’s roof before marriage.

The trick was honestly private places to be when they snuck off. Most of the time, they took over Anthony’s vacant bachelor residence for a few hours. Other times they found unoccupied places in nature if the weather cooperated.

This particular time, he’d commandeered a carriage and bribed the footman’s silence as they drove and waited just behind the line of vision for the family home. 

He then waited impatiently for his Lady to join him.

When he finally saw the red curls moving toward him, her face flush from a short walk his smile widened.

“She’s going to kill us if she finds out we’ve deceived her,” Penelope told him. “She thinks I’m visiting Mama.”

He moved toward her, taking her arm and guiding her up and into the carriage. He definitely wasn’t about to tell her his plans before he got her in it, in case she changed her mind. He couldn’t have her getting cold feet on him.

“She won’t kill us,” he said simply, trying to look the picture of innocence but the smile on his face said otherwise. “She’s been threatening for years. I dare say you should decide to spend the night in your old room.”

Penelope was half way back from her new found sitting position in the carriage at those words but its movement set her back down again.

“And what if she compares notes with Mama?” she asked.

Colin smiled, hand brushing a loose curl from where he had found a seat next to her. He leaned in to press a teasing kiss against the exposed flesh neck.

“Then we’ll just have to ensure that the punishment is less than the reward,” he told her.

“You’re not playing fair,” she murmured, eyes closing. “How can I say no to you when you’re doing that?”

“That’s the point,” he told her. “Besides, it would be a shame if all my mischief was for not. I think you’ll appreciate my effort in this even if it’s… not mother approved.”

\--

Penelope hadn’t known what to expect and Colin hadn’t been liberal with details. He’d simply encouraged her to be patient because the ride wasn’t going to be that lengthy. He hadn’t lied about that part.

Whatever uncertainty she had about extending their excursion past when they’d be missed grew when she realized that it was an inn. It was one thing to deceive his mother, slip away for a few hours but another all together to do _this_. They were unwed and it wasn’t far enough away to properly deceive the Ton.

“There is no way people don’t start talking in earnest if we’re doing what I think we’re doing,” Penelope said expressing her worries. “We’d be better off facing the wrath of your mother.”

“Trust me,” Colin insisted, climbing out and helping her come down as well.

Penelope did trust him even if she did worry that sneaking around to just get a few minutes alone with each other or a few stolen kisses would catch up to them eventually. Someone was bound to catch them at it. If they tried to steal a night that only confounded the risk.

Her nature was to worry but his hand in hers did help provide some level of comfort as they moved toward the building and inside. Whatever confidence she lacked in this, Colin had in abundance and she was beyond grateful for it.

She expected him to find the inn-keeper and to make small talk, make arrangements of some sort. Instead he led her through the halls and up the stairs to a closed door. He reached inside his trousers and pulled out a key, unlocking it before gesturing for her to go inside.

It wasn’t a massive room but it was considerably nice. There was a small table in the corner, already set for two and there were candles everywhere casting light against the shadows.

Penelope was utterly speechless at the sight of what clearly had taken substantial scheming to arrange. 

“You did this for _me_?” she couldn’t help but say.

“I’m going to be doing this for you until you let me marry you and then I’m going to keep doing it,” he told her simply.

The fear of impropriety went through the window and she turned to throw her arms around him in a hug.

“I love you,” she told confessed.

They’d certainly expressed the fact they cared for each other and they had certainly expressed to others that they loved each other but the three words themselves hadn’t been said until that moment.

Colin’s smile softened at the words and he pressed a kiss to the top of her head. 

“I love you too,” he told her honestly. He only wished that he’d realized it sooner so that he could saved everyone the headache they’d gone through. “I’m sorry that it took me so long to figure it out.”

“You figured it out just in time,” Penelope told him, lifting her head slightly and reaching a hand to tug his face to hers and pressing her lips to his. 

Their meal could wait a little longer.


	19. Have You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". // This chapter is a pt 2 to the getaway. Things take an interesting turn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've upped the rating on this one mostly because of this chapter. If you're reading Bridgerton fanfiction, I'm hoping you won't be offended by the reasoning for that.

Colin was only a man and as such he couldn’t help but _want_ Penelope. His desire for her burned through every fiber of his being anytime she so much as looked at him. He didn’t honestly know how he had been so blind in the previous season.

The irony was that no one really had. He’d certainly thought Marina was beautiful and he’d fancied himself in love with her but he hadn’t _desired_ her. When he’d learned the truth about her and everything had ended, he hadn’t felt as if the world was ending. He’d felt relief.

Whatever she’d woke in him was thunderously loud in his head though. He was pretty sure that he would a _ctually_ die of a broken heart if Penelope hadn’t returned his affections though. If he’d returned back and been forced to watch her live as wife to his brother, he probably would have thrown himself into the Thames as dramatic as that might be.

He couldn’t live without her. 

As much as he was enjoying sneaking away, stealing some kisses it was becoming difficult to not take it further. He could impatient and impulsive at times. Anthony had once told him that it was a matter of him being young.

He was tired of being apart from her or doing what was socially appropriate. He wanted to start his life with her and he didn’t want to wait or get permission from Anthony or his mother to do it. 

As he laid with her, unable to sleep for fear of missing out of a single moment of solitude with her he knew what he wanted. He’d never been certain of anything in his life and he needed to verbalize it.

Penelope Featherington had to be his wife.

“Elope with me, Pen,” he murmured, body tilted toward hers. A hand was grazing her face despite the fact she was half-asleep he knew that she could hear him. 

The question had pulled her back into consciousness enough to hear the question and think it over. It was absolute madness. They were already going to be enough trouble for stealing away to some inn. The accusations of ruin were going to be plentiful. 

She’d imagined Colin Bridgerton asking her to marry him a million times throughout her short life and none of those had been like this. 

The reality didn’t seem any less than any of those daydreams though and despite the fact that she she’d tasked him with courting her it was no longer reasonable. They were playing a dangerous game sneaking around and eventually they were going to cave to lust or get caught. With his name attached to hers they would be immune from scandal. 

There was one thing that she hadn’t told him though, one thing that only Benedict knew about. She’d thought it imperative for anyone who was going to be permanently attached to her to know. Benedict had taken the information well. He’d been impressed with her. She wasn’t completely sure that Colin would feel the same way.

She sat up.

“I – I - need to tell you something first and - it might change everything. I should have told you weeks ago but I didn’t want to ruin having you back with this,” she told him. The weight of it definitely did bear down on her.

Colin sat up as well, brows furrowing in concern.

“If something happened between you and Benedict when you thought I was dead, I – I can’t be mad about that,” he said stating the first thing that had come to mind. The one thing that he’d certainly thought about more times than he might have appreciated.

She frowned at the implication.

“I’ve only ever kissed you,” she said defensively. Perhaps, she’d grown to care for his brother but nothing inappropriate had happened. There was nothing that she needed to admit there. It was almost insulting that he thought that something might have occurred there.

Her arms crossed and it was clear she wasn’t pleased.

Colin didn’t know what she could possibly have to say that would change how he felt about her. There was literally nothing. 

“I love you, Pen. I’m not going to change my mind,” he told her firmly, hoping that would be enough to get her to tell him whatever it was.

“I wrote the article about Marina,” she told him after a long moment. “I tried my best to tell you the truth but her situation and you weren’t listening and I knew you were serious about eloping with her. I couldn’t let you –“

“Whistledown did that,” he said after a long moment shaking his head.

“And I’m her,” Penelope said after a long moment.

Colin’s jaw tightened with anger and Penelope was certain he was going to get out of the bed and leave her there. His silence was terrifying. To her credit, he did get up and he paced the small space of the room a few times, inhaling sharply as if trying to gather his wits about him. He didn’t leave though.

“I know that you won’t be able to look at me the same way,” she said after a long moment, arms relaxing but voice pleading, feet dangling off the bed and she debated pursuing him, “I never intended to hurt anyone. I was just desperate and you weren’t listening to reason. She told me that you could never love me – but it never changed the fact that I loved you.”

Colin moved across the space of the room, he gripped at her shoulders more forcefully than he probably should before finding himself when he realized she looked frightened. “You could have been ruined,” he said trying to keep his voice low but he was shaking with fury though who it was directed at was unknown. “If someone knew… If someone figured it out… The Queen could have had you locked away and you could have lost your head. What was I thinking?-”

He wasn’t mad about Marina at all. It was the peril she’d placed herself in that bothered him. He dropped his hands after a moment, pacing starting back again. Penelope wasn’t sure what to say or how to make this right.

“I could have gotten you in trouble with my own selfishness. I was such an idiot and you were in front of me the whole time and I wasn’t even in love with her. I was in love with the idea of being in love until I realized I loved you.”

Penelope wasn’t sure if it was smart to approach or not. Colin seemed to be in the middle of a bit of a breakdown of sorts. She’d never seen him so out of sorts and she didn’t quite know what this meant for his proposal or the future.

“Col-” she said after a minute, finally climbing back to her feet, moving tentatively over to him, a hand on his shoulder.

He spun back, eyes dark as he glowered down at her. He reached a hand out and he pulled her to him successfully earning a squeak of surprise.

“I need you to understand something,” he told her firmly. There was a pause and his eyes moved to her lips. She nodded at him, quiet as she waited for him to yell, scream or put her in her place. His grip was firm but his did soften slightly as he backed her to the bed, letting her body fall into it. This was hardly the reaction she’d anticipated and her heart sped up.

“I’m always going to love you and if anyone ever makes you think otherwise ever again, I’m going to murder them,” he continued, climbing over her using his arms to keep himself from squishing her.

“You still want me?” she asked, gazing up to him in surprise.

He answered by pressing a needful kiss to her mouth. He was done waiting on some arbitrary thing to confirm what was in his heart. He could get past her being Whistledown. What he couldn’t get past was her trying to help him and him ignoring it or the fact that Marina Thompson would dare try and speak for how he felt. He might not have been smart enough to have had it figured out but that didn’t mean he hadn’t cared for her then. He would have been as furious then as he was now. He would moved Heaven and Earth to prove the words false.

Even if it had been another lifetime ago, he still felt an urgency to show Penelope just how he felt about her.

She returned his kiss, making it loud and clear that she was not going to deny him whatever he needed to get through this moment. Her legs opened almost reflexively, arms pulling him closer until there was no space between their bodies.

“Let me have you,” he demanded against her lips. His voice was raspy, a mixture of all the emotions he was feeling flooding into this near plead because he wouldn’t dare ever do anything that Penelope didn’t consent to. He couldn’t stomach the prospect of doing her more harm. 

He didn’t exactly stop himself from further exploration while he waited the answer. His mouth darted to her throat and down letting his tongue taste her skin, a hand already set to working on the buttons of the dress she’d had on since they left London.

“Yes,” she told him firmly. 

The dress was honestly done for. Colin didn’t mean to be overzealous, especially when he hadn’t exactly gone above and beyond for packing. He’d have to bribe someone to go purchase something new in the morning but he didn’t give a damn about the logistics of it all at the moment, especially when the buttons popped so easily and he could push at the fabric.

Somewhere in his mind, he’d thought to promise that he’d be gentle and make sure that she _enjoyed_ this. He was speechless at the sight of her bare breasts. He’d seen her in nightgowns and shifts a time or two in recent weeks but he’d never dared push his luck.

He let out an audible groan before letting his mouth move down, one hand teasing one of her breasts while the his tongue and teeth explored the other. He kept going until he had earned a moan out. Then and only then did he switch to the other side. He had to be equal opportunity here.

He couldn’t help but laugh softly when he felt her small hand, tugging him back to her lips by the hairs on his head. He willingly came though, never one to turn way her demand for kisses.

He had to put a hand under her hip in an attempt to shift her though, in an effort to tug at the fabric so that he might address the issue of unmentionables.

Colin forced himself off her long enough to let his hands do the work it needed to do to rid her of the rest of the fabric. His eyes met hers as he went to undo his trousers. He’d removed his shirt at some point during their earlier somehow less innocent kisses and it wouldn’t require much to free his erection.

Penelope’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of him though she didn’t provide commentary, didn’t dare ask the million questions that she had. She’d gotten enough information from Daphne before her almost-wedding night that she had nothing to fear.

Colin was back on her in a minute, pressing a tempered kiss to her mouth then her nose before he let a hand move down her middle through the thatch of hair until her found the tantalizing heat of her center. He practically throbbed with need for her but he had to restrain himself a little longer.

“Tell me if it’s too much,” he murmured and she felt one finger dip inside of her. The sensation caused her body to shift against him and an indelicate sound escaping her that only spurred him to keep going. 

Penelope had been horrifically embarrassed at the graphic explanation of intimacy from Daphne. She had to give her some credit though. She’d not lied when she said there was much to be enjoyed.

His fingers were working just fine and every time he touched her differently or added more it only served to make her want him more. 

“ _Col_ -“ she murmured after a moment.

His eyes met hers and there was no mistaking what she was saying even if he already knew. He scaled back up her body, positioning his body before he began to slip inside, nearly exploding at just how perfect she truly felt around him.

It took ever fiber of his being not to bury himself completely but he knew that he needed to take his time, knew that there would be some temporary pain involved here. He was calculated slow, biding his time and just savoring the little sounds that were coming out of her.

He paused when he finally found resistance and he forged ahead. He ceased all motion when he saw the slightest hint of pain cross her features, balancing himself enough so that he might run a hand through her curls to distract her from pain that he’d never have to put her through again.

When he felt her shift against him slightly, he knew that it was okay to move and it all felt so perfectly natural. He lost himself to it though he certainly didn’t let himself get overly carried away. He wasn’t going to last long. Not this time. It had been pent up inside of him for far too long.

He let a hand move between them, working nerve endings that he knew would push her there as well while his mouth worked the one spot that he knew would make her squirm.

Penelope definitely did squirm, though she couldn’t quite explain everything that was happening in her body she knew that it was right and she was close to something. When it hit, her body shook and she gasped. Had she forgotten to breathe for minutes? Hours? She couldn’t even remember.

It was just enough to push him to climax, collapsing next to her. Her tugged her in, hugging her against him as they both struggled to breath.

“… So… that was a yes to the eloping, right?” he said after a long moment, voice breathless.

She buried her face in his shoulder to fight off a fit of laughter.

The answer was definitely yes.


	20. Love Hurts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". / Eloise attempts to understand Benedict who is struggling since Colin's returned and the family figures out Colin & Penelope are missing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst, chaos and family... that is what happened here.

Eloise didn’t know what it was like to fall in love.

Everything that she knew about the concept came from books or the relationships of people around her. She only had a vague recollection of her parents prior to her father’s death. Half the time, it felt more like other people’s memories than her own. She hated the fact that with every passing day she remembered her own father less and less. Aubrey Hall had been her first home and yet it always felt strange to be there. London always felt more like home but that was where she’d spent the majority of her formative years. She’d returned there out of love for her brother though.

Benedict hadn’t been himself since Colin returned. She dared not speculate his feelings at first but she had known he was running away from something. She’d always been particularly close to him. Even though he didn’t tend to have many secrets, she usually was the family member to figure them out. Just like he’d treated her cuts and bruises as a child, she wanted to fix whatever ailed him. That was why she followed him to Aubrey Hall.

She assumed that like all the past moments where they’d experienced an upset or difficulty they’d be able to fix it. It was a bit of an egotistical notion to think that she could be the one to help him find his way back to the family but it was truly what she’d thought. 

She had assumed it would be easy. It wasn’t.

The brother that she found at Aubrey Hall looked like Benedict but there was something very hollow, sad about his presence. He was there but he might as well have not been. It had been weeks and despite having plenty of opportunity, he kept every conversation succinct and impersonal. He hadn’t once confided in her how he was feeling when she’d ask how he was. A simple ‘fine’ was his go-to reply and she knew he was far from it.

She had thought that if she brought up home, that might encourage him to speak about it. Every time she received a letter from Penelope or an entry from Whistledown, he’d read it aloud. He looked uncomfortable at the latest mentions of Colin and Penelope but the way he looked when she’d get a new article from Whistledown was much worst. Even on a good day, those things would cause him to make an excuse and lock himself away. She usually wouldn’t see him until days later. 

The first time he’d skipped a meal, she’d thought he might be ill and she’d even gone as far as to take it to his room for him. The door was locked though and when she knocked he didn’t let her in to deliver it. When he finally did emerge the next day, he looked tired and older but he acted as if he hadn’t been a ghost.

She’d had never seen him like this and she was beginning to worry. It did cross her mind that Benedict might never return to the family. She didn’t want to meddle and make things worse but she didn’t like the state of things. She didn’t want to see her favorite brother unhappy but she also didn’t quite know what the solution was. 

She had thought a solution could be found in non-familial companionship. He also didn’t seem to want to discuss that either. She’d casually suggested he reconnect with the Modiste or literally find anyone to be less gloomy. She’d mentally prepared herself for him to say no but she hadn’t been prepared for an absolute meltdown.

Benedict was always the quietest and the gentlest of her brothers. The bottled up emotions exploded at that suggestion though. He destroyed one of their mother’s favorite vases with fist. When he realized what he’d done, he cried and Eloise couldn’t remember e _ver_ seeing him cry. She knew it wasn’t about the vase or the fact he’d managed to hurt his hand. He didn’t say it but somehow she knew: his heart was broken.

If this was what love was like, Eloise was more certain than ever that she wanted nothing to do with it. 

\--

Even though Eloise didn’t tell him that she pitied him. Benedict knew it. He hadn’t asked her to come. He hadn’t wanted anyone to be there with him. He needed time to mourn in peace without anyone in the Ton judging him. Penelope Featherington might not have been dead but she might as well have been. She was going to marry Colin.

A few months ago, it wouldn’t have been a problem. He would have been thrilled at the choice and welcomed her into the family. He didn’t think he could stomach it now. He couldn’t bear to put on a smile and watch her marry Colin. He couldn’t handle seeing them at family dinners and seeing her smile or laugh at the things Colin could say. He couldn’t handle thinking of them sharing a marital bed or her stomach swelling with his nieces and nephews. 

He wasn’t foolish enough to try and stop it nor did he want to. He wanted nothing more than for her to be happy and he knew that she would be. He knew Colin would actually treat her well. 

It was selfish but he intended to never return to London. If he’d been less of a coward he would have bought a ticket to America or France and slipped beyond his mother’s grasp. Aubrey Hall was his stepping stone. He needed to go so far away that no one in the family could question why he didn’t return home for holidays or weddings. 

Eloise wasn’t letting him.

The morning after he’d cried in front of her, he debated leaving at first dawn. She wasn’t a morning person so she wouldn’t hear him slip out and by the time she saw his letter informing her of his plans he’d be too far gone.

When he started to write the letter, he couldn’t bring himself to compose it so things continued on as they had been.

\--

Mothers rarely interrupted the solitude of bachelor quarters but most men didn’t have Violet Bridgerton as their mother. Anthony had been sleeping off a hangover when he heard his mother’s huff as she pushed back the curtains to the room. The sunlight was appalling and he attempted to pull his pillow over his head.

“Where is your brother?” she demanded of him.

He grumbled in his sleep.

“At his place or… wherever Penelope is,” he said.

“That’s to be assumed. She told me she was visiting her family but Portia Featherington says she hasn’t seen her in weeks,” Violet said.

He lifted the pillow away, dark hair shaggy from bed head. His gaze moved to his mother and he realized she was worried and not actually mad. His brain caught up to the moment.

“I’m sure they’re fine,” he said after a moment. 

“Colin was supposed to be with you at a match,” she said after a moment. “I can only imagine that there wasn’t one.”

Anthony debated covering for his little brother there but he knew better than to do that in this moment. Violet was a force and even if they were okay, he was going to have to go and find them.

“I was at the club until hours ago,” he confessed. “If you’ll be so kind to give me some privacy I’ll get dressed and go find them.”

Violet crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes.

“I gave birth to you. There’s nothing I haven’t seen,” she uttered before complying and headed toward the door. “You better find them before I do.”

\--

Anthony checked every place he knew to search and came up empty handed as far as the city went. He’d thought he would find them easily but there was no sign of them anywhere. He begrudgingly called upon the Duke of Hastings for assistance. 

Simon had far more resources in the city to operate from. 

It was dusk before they learned from a servant who had heard from a footman that Colin had taken to sneaking away with Penelope for romantic time. They’d apparently last been seen leaving the city in a carriage.

His theories went salacious but it was Daphne who suggested that perhaps there was nothing salacious happening at all. It was possible that they were headed to Scotland to wed.

Anthony did the math in his head. It would take 4-5 days if they traveled 12 hours at a time. They had a good lead on him but if he traveled on horse instead of carriage, he might be able to catch up. He didn’t necessary intend to stop them. Perhaps if they wed, the family could finally have a little peace.

He took off immediately only stopping to rest the first time when he reached Aubrey Hall because he was famished and exhausted. He knew he could find Eloise and Benedict there and if there was anyone who’d know how to find them it would be that pair.

He found them in the drawing room.

Eloise was face first in a book and Benedict was drawing. He briefly caught sight of it and found it a bit… somber but now wasn’t the time to focus on that.

“What are you doing here?” Eloise asked.

“I own this home,” Anthony said after a moment. “Besides, I needed rest and reinforcements. Colin and Penelope have gone missing and my top suspicion is that they’re headed to Scotland.”

Benedict stiffened, struggling to keep his face impassable while Eloise looked alarmed at the news from London.

“You should just let them go,” Benedict said after a moment.

“I’m not planning to stop them,” he said with a sigh. “I’m mostly planning to drag them back home so our mother can murder them for not having the decency to inform someone of their intent as my wedding gift.”

“Coldstream Bridge,” Eloise said after a long moment. “Lady Whistledown mentioned it recently. She was talking about – well, it was an elopement for a young Earl who fell in love with someone and couldn’t bear to await a special dispensation.”

Benedict was on his feet, grabbing his coat before there could additional discussion of it. Anthony exchanged a glance with Eloise before shrugging.

“So much for rest,” he grumbled before following him.


	21. Blood on A Wedding Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unexpected bad news arrives for the Bridgerton Family (and friends) regarding Colin's travels. This will be a series that is set after "The Duke and I" or season one of the show. It is a companion piece to "Goodbyes". // Anthony and Benedict go to Scotland with a confused mission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally intended this to be much longer but I feel like this needed to be broken a bit. Sorry for the long wait.

Anthony almost wished he’d brought a gun with him if only to send a warning shot. It wasn’t that he didn’t love Benedict but he was beginning to regret stopping at Aubrey Hall for reinforcements. He’d never seen Benedict like this. They were barely stopping, barely sleep and when he’d try to get a few more hours he’d get snapped at because they ‘weren’t going to make it’.

He had assumed a few things about Benedict’s feelings when he’d promptly left town upon Colin’s return but he hadn’t know things were this bad. Anthony liked to think that he knew his siblings pretty well considered he was the oldest. He’d always known Benedict to be a bit more emotional than the rest. He wasn’t as dramatic as some of the others though. 

Benedict tended to suppress and bury things until they could be suppressed no longer. Anthony had seen things bubble up in his younger brother plenty of times over the course of their lives. 

Apparently, this was one of those situations.

He knew better than to try and get in the middle of it. More than anything he was terrified of what Benedict was going to do when they made it to Scotland. There were too many unknown factors here.

For starters, he didn’t know if they were going to make it before Colin could successfully elope. Second, he didn’t know if the suspicion was even correct or if it was that they’d even find them there. Anthony was honestly terrified to think of what he’d be dealing with if they didn’t find them. His mother would be the least of his worries.

By the time they reached, Northumberland with a clear view of the River Tweed exhaustion was threatening every moment. Anthony couldn’t stop because he knew Benedict would not aside from pausing to interrogate people in passing about where across the bridge people went to wed. 

It earned a few curious glances since there wasn’t a woman with them. Benedict clearly wasn’t thinking about how it might be coming off and Anthony’s insistence that they were brothers seemed to be the only think preventing someone for reporting them for attempting to undertake illegal activities.

The little stone inn on the other side of the bridge looked precisely as they had been informed it would. There wasn’t much to it. It was so unassuming and yet there was something about the structure that made seemed to leave both Bridgerton men silent, terrified. 

After riding through England like an absolute mad man, it was Benedict who seemed to completely freeze at the sight of it. His tall form locked into place and the color drained from his features. 

“We haven’t gone this far for you to just stop now, have we?” Anthony asked, turning on his heel to gaze at his little brother. 

Benedict just shook his head lamely.

Anthony couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. He knew he just had to pause and wait for Benedict to snap out of it. 

While he was waiting he saw Benedict’s expression change though and he had no choice but look back toward the structure.

“ _Ben_ ,” a voice called out, followed by a sea of loose red curls moving out of the door. The body that the red curls, moved toward them and hugged the frozen boy which was definitely not appropriate but it didn’t stop her.

“You know, I’m here too,” Anthony said making a face. 

Penelope laughed at that and turned to greet Anthony with a nod.

“What are you two doing here?” Penelope asked gaze moving between them.

“Where is Colin?” Ben asked finally regaining use of his tongue.

Based on the look on his face, Anthony wasn’t sure if he was asking this to truly know where their brother was because they didn’t see him or because he intended to murder him. If he could have gestured for Penelope to maybe not answer that without Benedict seeing, he very well might have.

“He’s had to go a ways to collect to a Priest Dickson,” she said before shaking her head. Priest Dickson apparently had a reputation for performing marriage rights and could come join them there for the right price. “Apparently, he’d decided to enjoy a day of leisure at home since it’s the slow season.”

“So you fools really _are_ doing this?” Anthony asked.

“That was our intention. I presume you’re here to try and talk us out of it,” Penelope said with a nod. Her gaze moved from Anthony to Benedict who was being remarkably quiet.

“No,” Benedict replied before Anthony could.

Anthony didn’t really plan on stopping it either but he was admittedly surprised to hear that come out after all of this.

Penelope looked conflicted by this information and relieved all at once. Anthony couldn’t help but see the way her gaze seemed to be trying to pierce the wall that Benedict wasn’t letting down.

“I _promised_ to look after you,” Benedict said after a long moment. “You don’t have to have any sort of special wedding but you do have to let me be the one who gives you away.”

Anthony threw a hand up at that, another moving to massage his own temple. He’d been dragged half-way through England, nearly died with exhaustion for _that_ when they could have just gotten there after the deed was done. 

Blood on a wedding day probably wasn’t a good omen, so not murdering Benedict was going to be his wedding gift.

Considering the fact, Penelope’s response to the words was tears told Anthony that Colin might be the one to commit the Fratricide.

\--

Colin did return as expected with a man that even he had been unsure about as priest. He had no choice but to give it as pass if he wanted to do this. He knew that when it came to these things, half the time the ‘priests’ were just simple village people who had the ability to sign legal documents.

It was a bit of a shock to return and see his two brothers there. Admittedly there was one that gave him more rise to concern than the other. His mind raced back to the conversation he’d had with Benedict before he’d fled to the country and a part of him feared was there to put a stop to this.

Jealousy raced into him that he couldn’t begin to control and irrationally he did wonder if Penelope was going to back out. What if she’d come to her sense and didn’t want to marry him? What if she realized that she preferred his brother?

“I defiled her,” he announced to his brothers in a moment of panic, knowing that if her honor was in question there was absolutely nothing they would do to stop it.

Penelope’s eyes widened at that, catching the complete change in Benedict’s posture threw herself between them.

“It was consensual,” she assured, keeping her voice low. “I wouldn’t use defile to describe it. Your brother is clearly out of mind.”

Anthony debated stepping in before there was actual blood spilled but decided that he was too tired for that and he was just going to stand there and let Penelope handle it. She was doing well enough.

Benedict relented at her request, not pleased to hear that Colin couldn’t even constrain himself long enough to make it proper first but it had been her choice. 

“Out of my mind in love,” Colin said pointedly.

“ _Jealousy_ ,” Anthony coughed into his hand.

This earned him three glares.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to begin the proceedings,” the man who’d come with him said, so they did.


End file.
